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Lil ol' Aunt Flo!

so i'm about to start my wonderful weekend which hopefully includes wakeboarding and laying around doing a whole bunch of nothing. but of course my Aunt Flo has to show up this morning and ruin my entire weekend. i've been puking my guts out all day. and for someone who is trying to break up with ED thats not making my life any easier. and it's right about now i'm getting ready to send my 21 yr old husband to the liqour store down the road. these stupid pills my doc gave me to try and fix me make me MISERABLE! so here i am at home on the couch stupid heating pad on watching the OC which wouldn't be so bad if they would show some episodes i haven't seen 10 times before. So i've concocted my own drug. it consists of midol and coke. i am hoping that the caffiene overload will either help subside the pain or KILL ME!

did you know that in most countries they used to keep menstrating women in a seperate hut or like a dungeon to keep them away from everyone else. here is a picture of the hut in Malatia. i think Rye is about to send me to that hut. And Menstruating women are prohibited from entering Hindu temples because apparently it attracts evil spirits. WONDER WHAT COULD HAVE GIVEN THEM THAT IDEA!






so today i've included a little something for the girls.
this is an actual letter a woman sent to kotex company and no matter how many times i read it i LOVE IT.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my ‘time of the month’ is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? As Branch Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period".

"Are you f…..g kidding me?" What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep... Always

Neanderthals

do you ever think about Neanderthals. i was thinking about that movie 10,000 BC and i was a little bothered that this girl had dirt in her hair and on her face and she was like hotter than anyone i know. so then i was thinking about what they would really look like. here is what i'm thinking

1.) dried blood (from the raw animals that they would rip apart with their teeth) ALL over their face and under their nails and in their ears (don't ask just go with it)
2.) BIG FAT NOSES... bigger than mine... i know thats hard to believe that a nose that big could exist
3.) i think the women would have like dread locks coming out from under their arms. with dried blood holding the dreads in place
4.) her little toga thing would be made out of a dead carcus from her dinner the week before so it would have plenty of time to dry out. and the head of the poor little dingo would still be attached.
5.) and she would have huge flat feet. GROSS.

i've included a picture up at the top and i would like to know if ANYONE finds her attractive. cause that is what the truth really looks like. i know its a little disturbing... but i thought you had a right to know.

here I am

so... i've decided to start blogging. because when i write in a journal i always think someones going to read what i wrote. but on here i assume someone might maybe care enough to read it so i censor myself enough so i don't have to worry... that made sense in my mind

anyway my name is Savannah Lee Gardiner my maiden name is Savannah Lee Brown. i'm married to Riley Gardiner and we've been married since 2006.

So Rye's been trying to get on with the LVMPD for about 6 months now so thats an ongoing thing. i'll try to keep everyone updated. he's going in on July 8th to retake the written test. in march he didn't pass but only by 4% so i'm hopeful.