Life goes on...Letters, Testimony, Ben Wille, Death

so... this has been a really weird week. after my last post i was hoping for a letter. cause i usually get letters on Wednesdays... I GOT ONE! YAY!!!! it was probably the least mushy one so far, he was trying to answer questions that he hadn't yet. let's see... what was important, hold on let me look over it quickly :)
-Pugil Sticks went fine. "there were 3 of us fighting. i got the one guy, but then the other got me GOOD across my helmet :) it kinda hurt" i've always loved that he can appreciate when someone else does something good. i mean really how many guys get hit in the face and are like "dude, good job. that was really awesome" well thats my Rye!
-He lost 6 pounds but gained them back.. THANK GOODNESS. that kid didn't have 6 pounds to lose. he has like 8% body fat, or he did when he left. and everything he had was muscle. he was the one at the beach in cali in JUNE who was cold... so i'm glad he gained it back.
- he said he's getting stronger, physically and emotionally. that makes me happy.
-He doesn't get yelled at. usually the WHOLE platoon gets yelled at. i guess the day they got to Camp Pendelton they got in trouble for not being loud enough, so they had to walk around bear-hugging their C-bags for a long time. which are huge and were full. "and pretty much, welcome to Pendleton!" i laughed at that :)
last Saturday when i received the 2nd survey back, he told me that his platoon was in 2nd place for honor platoon. and Zack's letter to kat said that they had lost initial drill by 1 point!!! Rye said the DI's were NOT happy, they had to move everything around in their house and make their beds like a million times.

so there are the Riley updates... now here are the Sav updates :)
I've been doing really good about my new years goal. which was to read my scriptures and pray everyday. and i haven't missed a day. J told me that if i fall asleep reading my scriptures it still counts. so YAY. but he did say that i should pray BEFORE i read, so that in case i DO fall asleep i have that covered already... and thats why you're so smart J :) so i've been reading them like crazy and trying to get as much out of them as i possibly can. but as anyone who has read the scriptures knows... there is alot of crap in there that is hard to understand. so last sunday i started marking down a bunch of verses that i needed help with. and asked J if he could help me with them, since he's a returned missionary. so this week was kinda touch and go with him because he was so busy. so we decided that Sunday after church i would drive down to his house and he would go over anything i needed help with, and in turn i would teach him how to make Riley's famous almond butter.. so i drove down at like 3... went to Laurels house, had lunch with her J and Elijah, and we talked book of Mormon and such. then Elijah had to head out. so i got out my scriptures and asked the questions that i had, J, Laurel and Robert did AMAZING at explaining things i didn't know. and sometimes i think that there are so many simple things that i SHOULD know. but i just don't... and i know in high school i wanted everyone to think i was a better member than i really was so i was too embarrassed to ask anyone... but now i'm more humble... and also more confident... i'm a walking contradiction :)

so after our scripture discussion J needed to go home to see his family for a few hours and invited me. so i went over there, met his dad ( I REALLY like his dad... FYI) and saw his Brother, Sister, Mom and Cousin. they invited me to play a game called hand and foot... ever played? it's awesome. J disappeared for a while to go help his sister and left me with his dad brother and cousin. so his dad walked me through the first game... WHICH I WON!!! and then when J came back for the 2nd game his dad stepped out. well i didn't win any other rounds, but we found out later that J was cheating by stealing cards from another pile... THAT LYING SACK OF CRAP!!! So after that we headed back to Laurel's, they were having an Acting Up testimony meeting. and i haven't been to one of those since like 2006 before i got married. it was more of a discussion/Q&A thing so i totally could have saved my questions. but i'm glad i didn't.

The spirit is seriously soooo strong in those meetings. and as the night wore on more and more showed up. Ben Wille and A.J. showed up. Ben sat next to J like right across from me, and it was hard to even look at him because since Xandra left this last week, it's a reminder that Riley is gone. so after the AMAZING testimony meeting everyone was mingling and i went over to say hi to Ben, because all week i've been asking everyone how he's been doing. and it seems like no one really cares as much as i do. maybe it's because i'm one of the few that can actually relate. so i went and asked how he was holding up. and it's kinda funny, he gave me a look that i know TOO much about, and i just knew, until you are away from the love of your life for an extended period of time... you don't know. he said he looked over at me at some point and just about started crying "because you're like the only one who knows what i'm going through, but it's so much worse for you." well Ben Wille.... IT STILL SUCKS!!!! and i would never wish it upon anyone. i'm really HAPPY that you two at least have cell phones. i'm for sure not one of those people who's gonna be like... "oh that sucks that your Fiance is gone for a long time.... but i win"... and since i've been praying everynight, you find that you're more likely to pray for the people in your life that need it. i think before when i did pray it was more of selfish prayers. God help me with this and that, but now it's deeper. i honestly pray for anyone in my life that i know needs it. So i hope everyone has been getting extra blessings this last week... CAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH THE BIG GUY TO GET THEM FOR YOU :)

so last night was amazing, and i really needed yesterday. it strengthened my testimony of so many different things. which i think is somehow making today a little easier. this morning at about 9, my mom called me. She informed me that my cousin Tara had died about 20 minutes prior. we knew she didn't have long left. they told us the week before Christmas that things didn't look good. her kidneys and livers had failed and dialysis wasn't working. so they pulled her off of it and sent her home to be comfortable. I grew up with this cousin... she was one of the closer ones. so i'm having a bit of a hard time. Kat called and i'm going out to lunch with her, because she knows that right now... i just want Riley back. and so now i'll be traveling to San Diego for the funeral later this week. and it's going to be absolutely the hardest thing i've done. to be only a few miles from him... and NOT try to go check up on him. to know that we're in the exact same city.. and i can't call or see him... And i've never lost a family member before... i've been pretty lucky. i mean distant relatives yes. but not really anyone i knew well. and since high school i haven't lost any close friends. so to have to go through this without my rock is hard. so anyway....

those are my updates for the last few days... things will get easier.. I hope.

With faith we can cope. In faith we can endure. And buoyed and sustained by faith, we can move on. “Weeping may endure for a night,” wrote the Psalmist, “but joy cometh in the morning” - Elder Ballard