Farewell

Farewell 2010, i don't think i'll miss you all that much. i don't know that i have ever cried so much in a single year. I rang in 2010 with Kat, since our husbands were still at Bootcamp... we got so dressed up and pretty.. and i fell in love with a little game called DJ Hero... which i bought Riley for a just because present (even though it was TOTALLY for me, and we both knew it) i was soo sure that 2010 was going to be miles better than 2009.. i was kind of wrong though. 2009 was ROUGH, with getting ready for bootcamp, and the false alarms as to when him and Zack would be able to go. however we had ALOT of really fun vacations, a couple AWESOME concerts, and multiple Vegas trips with Kat and Zack (including our valentines trip when the 4 of us saw our first cirque du soleil show.... KA) all in all we had a fun year, as stressful and scary as it was.. it was FUN... 2010 started with us being apart... which is kind of strange how we are ALSO ending this year apart. like i've said before, we spent less than 50% of the year together.. i don't remember the exact percentage, but you can go back a few posts and see all the stats.

As much as i miss him, and ache for him to be here to make me laugh and hold me... i'm doing ok... last year's holidays' took it's toll on me, even though they were spent with Family and Friends... it almost was a reminder that Riley WASN'T there... and i was alone, everyone pity-ed me. I think that made it more difficult. spending them with people who completely UNDERSTAND what i am going through made it that much easier. I didn't have to explain why i didn't want to go somewhere, or explain why i teared up every time people would say how bad they felt that i was spending the holidays alone. People on base understand that i am just trying to survive this time apart so Riley doesn't have to add ME to his list of worries. thats WHY i'm trying to hold myself together so well, i want to make this as easy as possible for Rye as i can. If i'm at home crying on the phone every time he calls... he's going to stress out about me when we're not able to talk. But with me keeping a grip on myself... he can focus on just kicking trash in country (and making the afghani kids as mad as possible by speaking to them in German, which they don't understand) i WANT him to be able to laugh about different ways to irritate these kids, cause it keeps me entertained, and when people try to talk war with me... i tell them about Rye's recent funny story, and the topic is instantly changed :)

i'm hopeful this year, but i am not as cocky as i was last year, when i was so positive that i wouldn't have to be alone again this year. i hope i can be JUST as blessed this year to be able to spend lots of time with my amazing best friend.

I don't want to make this post too uber long, cause it's new years eve, and i should go do something, like drive over to Sam's and watch the ball drop... while watching her fold laundry :) not exciting i know... but hey, this is just another milestone i would like to be past!

by the way, Jaxon started his new round of Chemo, it's a MUCH stronger version... he's nauseas, but doing really well.

Riley just called so i will go ring in the new year talking to Rye