Competition

Why do people feel the need to compete with others? I understand the primal need to "be the best" but why does EVERYTHING in life have to turn into a competition? I don't see the point.

In middle and high school we (girls) felt the need to compete with each other for the attention of boys. We were all absolutely too hard on ourselves constantly comparing our thighs or length/thickness of hair. Things that we honestly had little control over. I know that on multiple occasions I compared myself to my best friend (Lauren) and never once did I put myself in the "winning" category. She was skinny, and gorgeous and incredibly talented. She was also (and still is) my best friend. Sure the boys I liked often had little to no interest in me except to see if I could put in a good word with Lauren. But I was selling myself short on a tremendous level. Sure I was average height, didn't have long legs and was (and still am) incredibly awkward. But in high school I was talented, I had lots of friends, and I was beyond passionate in my hobby's (Debate team, and Acting up). Now if you ask Riley he will tell you what a nerd (aka loser) I was. And that if we had gone to the same high school we definitely would NOT have dated. Yet, he dated me KNOWING what a nerd I am. I used to be embarrassed to admit I was a debate nerd. But when I get worked up over a political issue I see him smile at the way I get myself totally overworked. Ya he is probably making fun of me in his head... but I'd like to think that my passion for nerdy things is one of the many reasons he adores me.

So competing during our teenage years DOES make sense to me. I see why people do it. But after you are married.... what is the point? I know people that like to try and compare their marriage to others. What gain do you get from that. Riley and I have an amazing relationship, we are best friends and enjoy each other more than other people... but how would it benefit me to compare or belittle another couple that has a COMPLETELY different relationship. With 2 people that are completely different from us? NOTHING. My marriage will be what it will be. Whether I compete with others or not. When my friends have great marriages, I don't feel the need to compare. I am genuinely happy for them, and possibly take note as to how I could improve my own marriage. The way I see it, I want all my friends to be in healthy and happy relationships.

Children. I know I am new to the whole parenting thing... but it's coming pretty naturally to me. I think 24 is the PERFECT age to have a kiddo (at least for me). I know that I would not have had the patience that I currently have. I would not have been so laid back either. It's crazy how much growing up I did in the 6 years we were married BEFORE Miles showed up. But it seems to me that every mom  makes motherhood into a competition.People question/judge your every decision and expect you to do the same. Just because I chose to cloth diaper does NOT mean I look down on you for using disposables. If I make a face when you talk about how expensive diapers are, it's only because I honestly have NO idea how much diapers end up costing, and you are probably blowing my mind! I don't let my son listen to music blaring. Not because I want him to be in quiet all the time. It's because I did research and made a decision. And I don't care HOW you feed your child... Just feed them!

Body type. Let's be honest here, I am not a size 1. Are ya shocked?! Weight is something I have always struggled with, Even now, I run and run and run and the scale won't move, even when I am eating very well. I can't compare myself to Lauren anymore. My body will NEVER look like hers. It won't look like anyones. I am me. I need to learn to be happy in my own skin... deflated balloon of a belly and all. While I wanted to avoid stretch marks the ones I have (while ugly) are a reminder that after years of trying and treatments. And all the heartbreak. I was able to carry my little man for a full 9 months. So many would KILL for that chance. So I try to remind myself as I am judging myself in the mirror, That I wanted this. My chest (partly since I'm nursing and partly from genetics) is GINORMOUS at this time. I mean out of control. While I have always hated being busty, It reminds me that I am able to nurse my son and provide life to him.

Anyway that Is my rant for the night. I just want to be happy with myself, and with the life I am trying to raise my son into. I will post again tomorrow, But I need to hurry and pump and go to bed. I'm exhausted!