Count Your Many Blessings

Today will not be a very upbeat post, and for that i apologize in advance. i know i know, deployment is still a few weeks away so "depressing Emo Sav" should still be in hibernation... but this is a completely different blog post for me to have to do.

You know how when you see those t.v. commercials for dying children in Africa, or St. Judes hospital commercials with child cancer patients... Some of you may just kind of tune those commercials out and say "sucks for them" while depending on the time of month some of you may just start bawling while watching it and can't believe that the world is such a sad place. Most of us, no matter our reaction have the exact same thought at one point of these commercials "i'm glad it's not me/my family".. if you're a mother, you may want to wake the kids up and snuggle them to death. My point being, we have a little bit of that invincibility reaction it's a sad statistic that at least 12,400 children are diagnosed with cancer every year, but it normally doesn't affect our day to day life too much.

I am not a mother... nor are any of my sibblings parents yet. But as most of you know when me and Riley were married his parents and his sister(and her husband) lived in St George. So that's where we lived, close to his family. and shortly after we were married Michelle & Bobby (Riley's sister and her husband) announced to us that after trying for a long time, they were pregnant with their first. i was sooo happy for her. And of course, being a newly wed, i was a little jealous. In late May 2007, we were woken up bright and early around 5:30-ish saying that Michelle was about to give birth. So we got up, got dressed and hurried over to the hospital. and there i met my nephew Jaxon Loren Wynn. Now before he was born i was excited.. but kind of how a friend is excited for another friend to have a baby.. because this child would be blood related to Riley.. but in no way other than marriage would he be my relative... HOWEVER, i met this little guy, and he absolutely stole my heart. I was "Aunt Sav" from that moment on. He had jaundice so he had to be under the lights at home for a while, but he was perfect. over the next year we would go visit little "Bubba J" even though Michelle and Bobby were overprotective first time parents... we bonded with that amazing little kid. he started walking and talking and could kinda say his name by proudly yelling "AXIE" to anyone who asked his name. he would march around the livingroom and kitchen yelling like a war cry type thing for like HOURS and trace the same path every time. I can't help but laugh everytime i imagine him doing this. cause he's FRICKEN FUNNY. in late 2008 Michelle and Bobby were pregnant again, and in August 2009 Michelle gave birth to another little boy. They had kept his first name a secret through the pregnancy but asked us if we would mind if they gave him the middle name Riley in honor of his uncle. who as they put it was such a great man, and the role model they wanted for their sons. how do you say no to that one? So Boden Riley Wynn was a little more than 2 years younger than Jaxon. On December 1st 2009 Riley left for bootcamp. and i moved 4 hours away from St George for while he was gone. during that time, Jaxon was potty trained, and would constantly call me to yell "NANA! PEE IN POTTY!!!" and i was the proudest aunt in the history of the world.

So now i live ... i have no idea how many miles.. but i'm going to guess 3,000 miles away from my in-laws. Michelle and I talk at least a few times a week. she's become one of my best friends, and favorite people in the world. i look forward to talking to her, hearing about my amazing nephews and hearing about the random dramas that affect her daily life. in August of this year, Bo turned 1. And Michelle informed me that Bobby got a job offer in northern Utah, paying a good deal more. and as you all know, we as american's tend to go where the money is. Riley and I were really worried about his parents, because they were having a VERY tough time with us living soo far away. So now they were going to be losing both their children... ok not really but going from having your kids and their spouses/kids soo close to having them all live far far away is a hard thing. Michelle kept me informed on how the house hunt was going, they eventually found a place that they loved and was perfect and they moved in. Jaxon called it the "red house" cause it had one red wall inside. in September the started Jaxon in a preschool to help him with his speech development. He seemed to be doing really well, he went a few times a week for an hour or so. That's mostly what we'd talk about on the phone every week... neither of us wanted to come to terms with the fact that her brother(my husband) would soon be leaving to go fight the war in Afghanistan... i would only bring it up if i had news about dates or anything else that i felt she would want/need to hear.

As you all know, Riley's parents came to visit us about 2 weeks ago for a week long visit. Right before they came i was on the phone with Michelle and she told me that she thought Jaxon had a disease that would make him allergic to gluten. she told me how he was complaining ALL the time about his tummy hurting. he wouldn't want to go play with his cousins in the mcdonalds playplace and would just want to go home. she was glad to get the testing so if he WAS allergic to gluten she could adjust his diet so he'd feel better. she let me know that they were doing the testing the following week. the day after the testing i called to see how it went, she said that it wasn't the gluten thing they were thinking it was and they were doing more testing. we didn't really think anything of it and went on with our vacation. Friday morning we took Riley's parents to the airport and they promised to call us when they landed in Vegas to let us know they got home ok.

Later on Friday, we got a call from Riley's dad saying that they landed in Vegas, but had some bad news. The doctors had done some tests and were almost positive that Jaxon had Leukemia. I think at that point we were in shock. i called Michelle and she told me the same thing, they were doing more tests and were really hoping that it WASN'T leukemia, but if it was they were ready to fight and win against it.

Then on Saturday i talked to her and she told me that the doctors ran some more tests... and Jaxon did NOT have leukemia. he has a tumor in his stomach and stage 4 cancer that has now spread to his bones. he has what they call Neuroblastoma, and is a high risk patient. he's starting Chemo in 4 days, and from what i understand he'll basically be doing Chemo and radiation for the next year (could be wrong on that so don't quote me). he's had a few blood transfusions already and is on morphine while home to help control the pain. they are hoping they can do surgery in like 6 months after a bunch of rounds of chemo to remove the tumor, they are hoping the Chemo can shrink it so it will be easier to remove.

Basically my 3 1/2 year old nephew has Cancer, an advanced stage of cancer. the THOUGHT of him sick from chemotherapy makes me get all teary eyed. He's sick, and all i want is for him to be better. when he's home he lays on the couch and watches TV. Bo wants to play but Jaxon yells at him to "GET OUTA HERE BO" so Bo is sad that he doesn't have his big brother to play with. Shellee(my mother in law) is heading up there this weekend to stay with them and take care of Bo while Bobby is at work, and Michelle and Jaxon are at the hospital.

Riley is leaving for Afghan soon, and now on top of everything else, he's going to be having to worry about how his nephew is doing. if anything happens he WON'T be able to come home for any reason, because he is a nephew, not a sibbling. it's just not fair, ya know. i mean here is this family who goes to church, pays tithing, is nice to EVERYONE (sure they were a bit wierd when they first had Jaxon, but MOST first time parents are that way)... i know that NO child deserves to be this sick, but in this case i feel like on top of that, My sister in law has enough on her plate, and SHOULDN'T have to be in the hospital watching her son get Chemo treatments. she is keeping such a positive attitude though, as best as can be expected in such a situation. finding any funny thing that one of the boys did and laughing about that on the phone, rather than focus on the scary stuff.

So as my title says... Count your blessings. when you see those commercials, go wake the kids up just to give them ONE MORE hug good night and tell them how much you love them. and then if you would, say a little prayer for my nephew. he's honestly my favorite little guy in the whole world, he's going to beat this thing. He has so much to fight for.

my trusty ol' flip

so in case you DON'T know what a Flip is, its a handheld video camera. it's about the size of an iphone except a littl fatter. i LOOVE it. I didn't use it too often in the first like 2-3 years i had it. BUUT when Riley left for Bootcamp almost a year ago, i decided that i was going to record myself everyday so that it felt like he wasn't really missing out. it was an awesome little project i did. everyone i hung out with knew what i was doing and put up with it very well. sometimes i would video how i was feeling that day, and somedays i would video a little of what we were actually doing. when me and Kat moved in together, the videos got a little funnier and more creative... today i decided i should empty out the rest of the videos on my camera onto my computer since it's almost time to start over....

every morning is one closer to when i have to actually deal with this deployment, and the only thing that makes me feel even somewhat ready is how creative i am with what i do for him while he's away. Growing up in Utah i learned to be extremely creative... so thank you fellow Mormons, i've taken many of your ideas and branched out on them :) ooh ooh on that note, i told Riley today that i would be Mormon for the treats people bring you alone!!! today the relief society president stopped by for a visit and brought brownies with candy corn on them... it probably seems like nothing to you, but it's not something that seems to go on alot around military bases... UNLESS you're Mormon. and a few people have dared to call me a "Jesus Freak" to that i laugh, but embrace it. :)

anyway back to my Flip. so i mentioned to kat today that maybe i should get a new upgraded Flip. because after i got mine, a new "HD" version came out... and i don't have that one. but Kat said that it would ruin the tradition and i need to keep the same one... so Charlie is staying... and soon i'll start video-ing my everyday life again... i know i know... it sounds lame, but it helps me cope.

Island Warrior!

ok, so the title is kind of lame. but i haven't told you all that it's what they refer to the Hawaii Marines... lame? yes..... but it's just the way it is... NOW ON TO MY POST!!!

i did neglect my blog a little the last few weeks but that was only because Riley was on pre-deployment leave so we were spending all sorts of time togeher, his parents flew in about halfway through leave so this will be my vacation update post. i will put up some pictures and then kinda give a few little stories about what we were up to!

 so Curt (pop-pop) wanted to try and get Deezul used to the ocean so he would be less afraid of it... he basically failed. but we will keep on trying!! this is the beach in our backyard, so it was about a 4 minute walk that first morning.

 we went to the blowhole, basically every time a wave comes up it spashes out of this little hole in the rock and it's like old faithful .. except completely different.

 This is Tripod, he only has three flippers... he lost one of his back flippers to a shark. his face was in this little puddle for like ever! we kept joking that he was trying to drown himself cause he was depressed... poor Tripod :)

 Riley and Curt were coming to check out the sea turtles.

 we watched this girl drag her fat body all the way back down to the ocean. it was pretty cool to watch!

 Riley is basically pretty skilled when it comes to trampolines and cliffs. he LOOOVES back flipping off of them. and people who don't know him too well get surprised when they watch him do it. and then they are impressed.. cause he's awesome!

 we had to go to pearl harbor while Curt and Shellee were here. it was an amazing experience, they were telling us that some of the survivors from the pearl harbor attack when they die have actually requested to be put back into the Ship with the rest of their ship-mates, that was something i had absolutely no idea about!

on the last day of their visit we were brainstorming something that would be awesome to go and do, and we couldn't think of anything so we drove the long way around the island to the north shore, and pulled into the temple in Laie and wanted to show them the grounds and everything. so we went into the visitors center, and we were talking to a couple of sister missionaries who were telling us how the temple was the 5th one ever built way back in 1919, and it's been closed now for the past 2 years for renovations they were starting the open house the next day but Riley's mom mentioned that they were flying out the next morning.... so they arranged for us to have a VIP tour of the temple, and it was GORGEOUS! they are dedicating it next month and i'm hoping i'll be able to go. i think President Monson will be there and it would be an amazing experience.

now if any of you have seen the movie "50 first dates" that is actually mine and Riley's "movie" kinda like our song... but it's our movie. anyway they meet in hawaii at the Hukilau Cafe. so we found this place and it's actually the placed that they based the cafe in the restaurant off of. so it may sound nerdy but we were SOOOO excited to go to this place. it was epic.


so that concludes our little staycation... is it still a staycation if i live in Hawaii? we had a fantastic visit with the in-laws and now we are just back to preparing for deployment. i'm not able to post any dates on here for safety reasons... however, it is close....

please remember to pray for our troops and their families. and i'd like to ask you to please pray for my nephew as well. we got a call the day that the in-laws flew home, and he's really sick. i'll post on that later this week, but please just keep him and his family in your prayers.

YAY FOR LAME SURVEYS!!!!!

110 questions about everything....

1. Do you believe in "till death do us part"?
no, i believe in "time and all eternity"

2. Do you believe in love at first sight?
......... possible, but no. i believe in LUST at first sight :)

3. Would you date anyone you met online?
if i wasn't married..... nope, not even then

4. Would you date the person who posted this?
nope

5. Do you believe in God?
Absolutely

6. Do you believe in the afterlife?
of course i do!

7. Are you emotional?
lately..... yes, very much so!

8. Get along with your parents?
ya, being stuck on an island i don't get to talk to them too much.

9. Get along with your siblings?
i love each of them so so so sooooo much!!!

10. How are you feeling right now?
well it's 3:17 in the morning....and Deezul woke me up at 11 after 2 1/2 hours of sleep so i'm kinda wishing i was sleepy!

11. Are you too forgiving?
usually yes.

12. Last time you cried?
about an hour ago. it only lasted about 2 minutes. i have alot going on right now!

13. Whats your favorite season?
fall... and sometimes winter

14. What is your favorite animal?
Hippo.... or the Deezul

15. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes

16. Have you ever been arrested?
no, i'm a goodie goodie

17. Do you talk in your sleep?
haha yes all the time! it's creepy... right after we moved into our house a few years ago i sat up in the middle of the night, woke Rye up and said "Rye, there is someone in our closet" and then laid back down. haha he stayed up for hours staring at the closet!

18. Do you like thunderstorms?
one of my favorite things in the world.

19. Ever caught a fish?
YESSSSS

20. Do you have any pets?
Deezul, my little 5 month old shar pei!

21. Do you take walks often?
usually at least once a day

22. Do you know a 2nd language?
 Sign Language, does that count?

23. Do you like to read?
i LOOOVE to read!

24. How often do you read books?
i'm in the middle of like 3 books right now. i read alot when i have time. which i don't right now.

25. Do you like walking in the rain?
YES. i even jumped in a puddle like yesterday :)

26. Are you more outgoing or shy?
Outgoing, but i am super shy if i DON'T know anyone.

27. How is the weather right now?
umm i assume the skies are clear... it's about 2 1/2 hours till sunrise

28. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate!

29. Who would you like to see right now?
anyone from the mainland :)

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
one... Deezul took over my other one

31. Are you missing someone?
alot of people. but no one too badly right now... ask me in a few weeks

32. Favorite drink?
water... and smoothies

33. Have you been in a car accident?
i remember one when i was little and the paramedics were checking me out. and i was in one when i was 17

34. Do you exercise?
every day... except when i'm taking a rest day :) even then i play with Dee and walk him

35. Have you ever been swimming in a lake or river?
yes to both.

36. Have you ever camped under the stars?
once! and then bunches more with a tent haha

37. Have you ever milked a cow?
............. i don't think so

38. Do you have or want any Piercings?
my ears are pierced, and i know it sounds totally lame and trashy... but i am going to get my belly button pierced when i hit my goal weight.

39. Are you in love?
very much so!

40. Have you ever set foot in a tanning salon?
i went once like 3 days before prom, and got burnt... but only on certain strips because half the bulbs were out haha

41. Have you ever played strip poker?
not poker.. but another card game. they wouldn't play with me anymore when i refused to undress past a certain point... which was still very covered up if i might say so...i was that annoying girl that would take off a sock, and an earing haha

42. What's your mother's favorite color?
hmm i'd have to guess Red

43. What's your dad's favorite color?
do boys have favorite colors? hmmm maybe Brown cause of his last name and his daughters amazing brown eyes..... i dunno, just a shot in the dark haha


44. What is your favorite musical?
i have alot... so here are a few, Chess, Honk, Phantom, Wicked, les mis, the lion king

45. Have you ever lied about your age?
who hasn't? but for right now i'm proud to be 22

46. Have you ever faked being drunk?
no.... that sounds lame.

47. When is the last time you were on a bicycle/bike?
i was riding my bike last month and i crashed and got all kinds of scraped up haha... my bike is still hiding in my friends garage.

48. Have you ever fallen out of love?
no

49. Ever used a fake id or an id that wasn't you?
Nope

50. Are you donating your organs?
i'm an organ donor.. and if i was able to help out a loved one i would give them a spare part.

51. What is the last thing you ate?
stale cheez-its

52. What's the last thing you drank?
crystal lite

53. Who called you last?
Britters! love my big sister!!

54. Are you truly happy right now or putting on a show?
umm neither. i'm really happy with my life, but not truly happy cause i have a deployment i'll have to deal with.

55. Has a lover ever cheated on you?
i had a boyfriend in 8th grade Brady.. he went to Arizona and then came back and told me he cheated on me... OH OH and i'm pretty sure Ricky did, but i have no proof of that one.

56. Would you ever take that person back?
absolutely not! everything happens for a reason. and i'm married to the most amazing guy in the world.

57. Have you ever cheated on a lover?
no, BUT i told Tim that i needed a break from him, and he responded with "i don't think we do" and apparently he then thought that we were still together, when i started dating Riley he found out and drunk dialed Rye at 2am and yelled at him for stealing his gf.... crazy boy...

58. Do you have a best friend?
Riley is my very bestest best friend! i tell him everything and anything thats on my mind. but other than him, this last year Kat has been the best friend i've needed... Lauren is my childhood best friend who i love more than Totino's!!!!! so yes, those three win!

59. Honestly and don't lie, hows your heart these days?
it's bracing for the heart ache.. but for now it's ok.

60. Have you ever had a one night stand?
no... well a kissing one night stand.. but only once

61. Have you ever visited a 3rd world country?
umm no, but i've always wanted to

62. Is there anyone that knows everything about you?
Riley. i think Kat does too.

63. If you were in a crisis would you tell anyone?
probably... except i'm prideful and don't like asking for help.

64. Can you keep a secret?
Yep

65. What are your views on drug abuse?
never touched the stuff. i think it's sad when people with such promising futures get sucked in.

66. Would you cheat on your taxes if you knew you could get away with it?
i don't know... probably

67. If an elderly person was overly rude to you, would you tell them off?
depends on the situation

68. Have you ever been married?
yes!

69. Have you ever been divorced?
never have, never will

70. Do you live in a house or an apartment?
Apartment

71. Would you say your house/apartment is big or small?
it's pretty ok sized, they are moving us into a house in a few months

72. Do you have a welcome mat?
i have one at the back door :)

73. Does it say something?
beware of dog and it has a huge bite taken out of it

74. Do you have a special place where you put your keys?
the tall counter... DEAR BURGLARS... DON'T STEAL MY KEYS!!!!

75. Do you know your neighbors?
Yes

76. If so do you get along with them?
we don't fight like some do with their neighbors.

77. Which room would you say you spend the most time in?
the living room.

78. What kind of stuff do you have on your walls?
lots of pictures

79. What's under your bed?
The Boogie Man

80. How long is your hair?
shoulder length right now. but i am cutting it after the ball in a few weeks.

81. Do you drink beer?
Gross! i don't drink alcohol

82. What are you listening to right now?
commercials

83. What have you had to drink so far today?
water, crystal lite, gatorade and a neuro- sonic

84. Has anyone ever given you roses?
Yes

85. How tall are you?
5'4 and proud of it!

86. Why did your last relationship end?
i think we discussed that earlier... but that was like 7 years ago. happily married thank you!

87. Do you look more like your mom or your dad?
i look just like my dad :)

88. Are you scared of flying?
not really, i get a little nervous... but who doesn't

89. Are you easy to get along with?
i'd like to think so!!

90. What is your favorite TV channel?
don't know that i have one... oh wait it's called my DVR :)

91. Do you have a favorite TV show?
Glee, Gossip Girl, the biggest loser, community..... i'm sleepy so that is all i can think of right now

92. Do you believe people can fall in love at any age?
Yes, of course.

93. Have you talked to a jerk today?
no actually...

94. How many windows are open on your computer?
Just 1, with 3 tabs

95. Have you ever had the chicken pox?
Yep, i think a few times

96. Have you been outside today?
WOW..... do people really say no to this... i was outside sooooo many times!!

97. How many pics do you have in your bedroom?
1 in there

98. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
no, God made me the way he wanted me to be.

99. If you have Myspace, how long have you had it?
I got it when i was like 17... i haven't logged on and been on other than to see if an old childhood friend has found me in like 5 years

100. Have you ever slapped a boy/girl in the face?
i high fived Rye in the face last week HAHAHA he had fair warning and still refused to high five my hand

101. Why/how did you chose your username?
don't think ihave one.. other than SavGardiner.... and thats kinda self explanatory 
102. If someone were to tell you how they felt, would you listen?
yes, unless i have no respect for them

103. Have you ever been to Starbucks?
YES!! and it has been hard to give up since going back to church and being good... ALMOST A YEAR WITHOUT A FRAPPICCIHNO

104. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
married, don't have to worry about it.

105. Hugs or Kisses?
Both please

106. If you found out you were dying, who would you tell first?
probably Rye if he was here.. or Deezul

107. Do you take compliments well?
No, but i try :)

108. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
i don't cuss in english... sooo no

109. What do you like most about yourself?
i'm talented and lovable :) it's true so don't deny it!

110. Do you read, watch or listen to the news?
i used to LIVE for the news.... but being a military wife it's NOT a smart idea to watch the news. so Yahoo and facebook gives me everything i NEED to know... then i can go from there.

this one is dedicated to my best friend.

alright... so i've done it again. and this time i'm not going to apologize. i don't think i really needed to blog. most of you know what i'm going through.. even if you can't exactly relate. My amazing husband Riley is leaving to go fight in Afghanistan, and i am terrified. i'm sick to my stomach at the thought of it. i mean really, if i think too much about it i really get sick.

Deezul is growing at an alarming rate. he's massive. :) he's the sweetest dog i've ever known. he crawls right up to me and just lays his head on my lap and just snuggles. he is one of the highlights of my life.

we've been hanging out with "Willis" lately, he's one of the Marines, the only difference is that he is actually my age. it's been nice hanging out with someone who's not still a teenager... or of the maturity of a 15 yr old. Kat and Zack are still in Florida.. and we're both really hoping that they can be stationed here. i would really like to have a best friend around. i'm starting to get lonely again... and really dreading NOT having Riley around...

i honestly don't know how i'm going to do this. at least when he was at bootcamp, and training... i had my best friend/roommate Kat. and we were going through the same thing. and we didn't have to explain when we were having a rough day, we just knew. we did all the same things, and listened to the same music, and we just worked. and now i feel like i'm being forced to do this without the one girl i really really need around. so to everyone reading this.. i'm sorry for the mushy post... even though it was about my best friend.. and not my husband.

on a lighter note, tomorrow is Jane Wayne day at Riley's work. it's kinda like a "bring your wife to work" day. i get to wear his Cami's and shoot a gun and be all macho :) and then Riley is on a 2 week vacation, and his parents will be flying out here next week :) it'll be fun!

so here are a few pictures of me and Kat, we are like the best duo since Batman and Shaft.

this was in march. and that is Kristy on the Right side. an AMAZING girl that we met through this crazy journey we're on!

at Kat and Zacks wedding!!! almost exactly 2 years ago!

this was at Kat's birthday... the boys were gone for both of our birthdays.. so we did what we needed to, and relied on each other!

and my birthday! my other best friend Lauren was there :) i had a pretty O.K. day all things considered... have i mentioned i have the best girls in my life!

we look so hot!!!

this is us at Family day. with Kristy again. i love us!!!

this is us painting a wall in the "stevens" house :) don't we look soo... soo... awkward :)

so... anyway, i love Catherine Stevens, and i miss her alot and alot. and i really wish she was around to help me deal with life... cause she isn't afraid to tell me when it's ok to throw a tantrum, and when i just need to suck it up and deal...... can it be next summer yet?

i give up on life today. :)

sooooo it is 6:47.... and i have officially been up for 2 hours... but before that i was up at least once every hour since the time we laid down, cleaning up Puke....ya, maybe i should re-think the having kids thing haha.... cause a sick puppy is the saddest thing i've ever dealt with... EVER. so here we are.. laying on a bed with no sheets and blankets, because they are in the washing machine, with a puppy passed out on our pillows trying desperately to get at least a little sleep. the poor little guy hasnt eaten in like 3 days. the first 2 days he wouldn't eat during the day and then eat 2 full bowls at night, so i wasn't super worried. but everything he ate yesterday came RIGHT back up... not fun. so i have now fed him two pepto pills since the one last night didn't help. And we'll have to see how things go. oh and he is teething too.... which is where i think this is actually coming from he lost his top canine tooth, and i KNOW that can't feel good cutting the new one. so we'll have to see if things get better soon. gosh he has just had a bad month.

da duhduh daaaaaaaa

alright friends... this is day one of me keeping track of my weight everyday.. so this will just be a quick post.. but here we go..

i am down 9.1% in weight since march
i am down .9% since yesterday :) YAY

ran over a mile tonight, and worked out my arms, and abs..... tomorrow is another day with another workout :) i will attain my goal... it's gonna happen :)

NEW SEASON OF THE BIGGEST LOSER!!!!!

ok... i'm a nerd. :) but apparently millions of others are too if the show keeps coming back! right now, the new season is recording... and me and Rye are going to sit down in like 30 minutes and begin to watch our favorite show.

now for those of you who don't know, Riley's goal in life is to be the next Bob Harper. he idolizes that guy more than almost anyone else on earth. he LOVES watching this show and trying to get new tips. we LOVE to watch it every week. this last season Rye was in training the whole time so i never got to watch it with him. but i kinda got my stepmom addicted to it. and we would text each other if we weren't together about the episode. point being, i am so thankful that i am able to watch it with Riley this season. it's something most people take for granted... NOT THIS GIRL! at least anymore. every little thing we used to do together that i've had to do without him, i appreciate THAT much more.

so tonight i am inspired/disappointed... a few weeks ago i told you i was getting back on track trying to lose weight... i've been eating better (i'll fully admit to you, my avid blog stalkers) that i have cheated... i have had jello and lasagna... BUT i HAVE gone to the gym AT LEAST 5 or 6 nights a week and everytime i go i run at least a mile, usually bike 7 or 8 miles AND then do some weight lifting and abs... so why is it then, that i've gained like 3 lbs... and DON'T go telling me that muscle weighs more than fat... that may be true... but i DON'T think that is where those 3 lbs has come from. i'm really upset that i've been working out so hard and THIS is what i have to show for it. but i am determined to do better even though Riley is home and will be trying to tempt me with mcdonalds and chinese food... he can suck it! i WILL get smaller!!!!!!!!!

alright... so i'm keeping track of my weight and from now on i will give you a percentage of how much i have lost... or NOT lost.. which better not be the case. when i hit my goal weight.. i would appreciate some lovely gift baskets of strawberries and kiwis and such.. ya know what just make it an edible arrangement.. or some flowers.. gift cards will be accepted as well for some new clothes... but seriously... i am SOOO close within reach but it really is SOO hard to lose the rest... Kat did it, so why can't i... i will. i am determined.. which is why i ran 3 miles this morning.... ya, you're impressed :)

my cleverness may have run out.

only because i couldn't think of an awesome blog title post. who knows if anyone ever even gets my references in most of my blog post titles... but it may surprise you that i spend alot of time thinking of a witty title to catch your attention. alright so enough on titles..... and onto the post!

Well Riley called last night :) it had been 6 days since i'd heard from him, so it definitely made me sooo happy. i had a rough week, with getting my feelings hurt, a possible haunting in my apartment, and living off few hours of sleep! he seems to be doing good. He's more ready to come home than you could possibly know. He misses me, and is missing Deezul alot too. he'll be so surprised at home much that chunk has grown! it's crazy to look back and see all that has happened in the last month that he's been gone. well he's not coming home yet, that will have to wait a little longer. i REALLY miss him.

we were talking last night about his upcoming deployment. and ever time we do, i realize more and more we talk about it... and as unready as i think i am, i think i'll be able to get through it. i was raised to be a strong woman. i will most likely regret saying all this... but such is life. i am so so so so so ready for it to be fall 2011 when all of this is OVER, and i can get back to just being married to the most fantastic man on earth. i'm terrified, let me just throw that out there. i'm probably being so optimistic because when i really step back and think about everything i know about his deployment, i wouldn't be able to function... any military wife will completely understand. it's a coping method, but it seems to be an effective one... so i'll keep doing it :)

what else is new... i really miss all my old friends, like alot!!! i'm used to spending all my time with people who don't take your insecurities and make you feel worse about them. i'm really trying to have tougher skin, but lets face it, thats not who i am. i get my feelings hurt, not extremely easily, like i'm not overly sensitive. But c'mon people lets use common sense. when you think about opening your mouth and making a comment... think about how upset you would be if someone said it to you. in the same tone you're about to use. because while i may have pretended it didn't hurt, and you may have gone on with the night like nothing had happened. i went home and cried myself to sleep over what you said to me. the worst part is that i didn't even say anything to deserve the comment... i made a comment on something that had nothing to do with anything, and NO possible way of offending anyone. i already know that i'm not Gorgeous, i've never pretended i was, i go to the gym because i WANT to achieve an ideal of perfection that let's face it, will probably never be attained. i don't sit around and talk about how much i LOVE my body, because i don't. there are times when i hate everything about myself, and i have ALOT of issues that stem from that. things that are NONE of your business and only 3 people will even understand what i'm talking about. my point is, you don't know what happens behind closed doors in a persons life. and making rude comments, can REALLY mess someone up. this life is NOT for putting people down and bringing yourself up, we should be encouraging each other to reach our full potential... which is what i try my hardest to do. i am SO sorry if i've ever made a comment about you, especially something about you that you have no control over. God made us each a whole lot different from each other. so when you insult someone and their ears or toes (no this is NOT what the whole post is about just a random body part i named so i wouldn't be so general!) you are really insulting something that god saw and said "hey, i think i done good on that one!!!" as i was crying myself to sleep over what you said to me, God was probably pretty sad too that you decided that he must have messed up on me.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

While i don't exactly hate September, i was not that excited to see it pop up on my calendar... it is one month closer to d-day (deployment day) and i'll get to spend less than half the month with Riley. which is an improvement from the whole 5 days we got in august. but i am NOT ready to have to say goodbye for 7 months. and i am surely not ready to order my dress for the ball. which i have to order in the next few weeks. but him being at this training has given him lots of "boy bonding" time. which i really am glad for. however, the loneliness is for sure starting to set in. This last month-ish has actually gone by really fast. cause i've been in the groove of the gym and movie night with the girls. it makes me hopeful that the deployment won't drag on as much as i'm fearing. we've been going to the gym everyday, and started doing a cleanse yesterday. it's the cleanse that started my original diet in Dec... so i KNOW that it works. it's really hard... but it's worth it. i want to order that gown and look FANTASTIC in it.

Deezul is doing good. still growing at an alarming rate. i know Rye is going to be so surprised when he sees how big he's gotten. he keeps me busy and on my toes. i'm learning more and more everyday about how crazy these Marine Wives can be. my goodness. it is insane. and such a hassle trying to find some normal girls to associate with. i have a small handful that i am comfortable with. cause man oh man, i will NOT be putting up with the kind of drama these girls attract!!! it is far worse than high school.

being the only Mormon wife i know is still hard. it's just a completely different lifestyle than how the other wives live. i think Riley may be the ONLY husband on base that does not drink/smoke/dip.... saves us money though, so i can't complain! i'm learning more and more about being Mormon. i kinda have to with all the questions we get. and i'm more and more able to hold my own in a religious debate. i've said it before and i'll say it again. when you're in the military life, there is no being Mormon but not being strict about it. you either go full out.. or you don't follow it at all. it is kinda fun to compare with Riley the questions we get. our last conversation we were talking and had actually the pretty much exact same conversation with other people.

bet most of you never thought me and Riley would be the "molly mormon" couple. i sure didn't think that coming from the family i did. we weren't ever strict Mormon's and now i think that it is one of hte most important things in our marriage. it brings ALOT of joy into our life. and i found out for the first time ever, that not everyone believes in eternity when it comes to marriage. i don't know what i would do if i didn't believe that me and Riley would be married for eternity (after we go to the temple i mean)

anyway... sorry about the super churchy-God Fearing post :) it's just been on my mind this past week. :)

love you all, thanks for reading!!!