Nothing like hearing a gunshot on the phone

There are things about being a Marine wife that i have gotten used to that seemed so odd before... like sitting in my living room and hearing gunshots from the range. or having armed men patrolling my neighborhood. recently i heard something on the phone that still caught me a little off guard "hey babe, hold on, you're going to hear gunshots in a minute"

I miss my husband. i am SO ready for him to be home. I definitely DON'T take him for granted while he is here. and i am So excited to get some more time to "chill" with him.

I have a field trip with my preschool in the morning. i am pretty stoked about it. This is probably my lamest blog post in a while. i'm not really going to apologize... some more exciting posts are on the horizon. i mean i have a birthday coming up quickly

What a Wonderful World

Here we are, one week into the new year. and it has been fantastic so far!  Rye and I have had so many adventures already! We've been hiking, to the beach, and relaxing as a family. He even took Deezul running the other night (and i didn't even have to hint that i wanted him to take Dee). We are 7 days until Rye has a birthday, and unfortunately he will be gone for his birthday, and will probably miss mine by just a few days (super lame right!).

I'm planning a baby shower for my friend Steph. Hoping it'll be good karma and one day someone will get to throw me an awesome shower. I've been using my silhouette cameo for her invitations (IT'S AMAZING!!!!) seriously anyone that does crafting crap should own one! Santa did good on that one :)

I am thinking i'm going to grow my hair out for a while... sometimes i just feel the need for a long side braid, that i am currently unable to attain. So what out for that in the next months.

There is so much going on in the Gardiner house i don't even know how to start describing it all. Watch for some awesome updates soon!

Oh and i acquired a dresser yesterday, started sanding it today and am hoping it will be DONE by this week :)

Well it happened

I LOST my military ID.... yup, after scoffing at practically every wife on base who has ever lost one (has anyone made it an entire career without losing one?) It fell out of the car the other night and it's GONE... i felt awful, and surprisingly Rye made me feel awful too. i thought he'd be like "you made it over 2 years!" nope, no such luck for this little lady. i got the whole "fantastic Sav, now my Social is just floating around on base somewhere... ugh, i'm lame and i know it.

So this morning (despite not feeling 100%) i got pretty to go take a new ID picture. We drove down to the ID office and what do ya know.. they are OUT of dependent ID's... ya i'm pissed. ugh! i went to buy Rye a drink in the mini mart on base, and since the girl knew me she let me buy it, but i ended up having to use my costco card so they could check the name on my card with my ID... ya it was embarrassing. oh well, i looked nice and pretty all day, and had a pretty sour look on my face cause there was nowhere to sit at the mall when we got lunch (seriously soooo many people) and then the gps made me turn around like 3 times to find the stupid place Riley wanted pie.. and then the PIE WAS GROSS... and then we BOTH tipped our waitress without knowing the other one did... so we left like a $6 tip for $7 worth of crappy pie... ugh, i'm just gonna stop complaining right this moment. I'm going to go babysit a few of the base's CUTEST kids, and it's going to make my night :)

If You're Happy And You Know It.

I had the most AMAZING Christmas, that seems to have extended a few days past... every year Rye and I take down the Christmas tree ON Christmas... like in the afternoon... ya it's still up. The tree is definitely dead, but i just haven't had the motivation.. maybe tomorrow morning i'll do it :)

I got absolutely everything i could ever want on Christmas, AND SOME... Rye and I are both on shortened schedules this week, so we have been able to spend alot more time together, which is nice since as we all know the work up officially starts before the new years fireworks smoke has cleared.

But for right now, i am so happy. I almost forgot what being THIS happy felt like, but I am going to enjoy it. here are a few awesome pictures from our Christmas :)

Christmas eve eve drive up to the temple

Deezul... being a Deezul

The temple wasn't decorated, but BYU was :)

Dee on Christmas morning in his Christmas pjays

Rye's Christmas Pjays

Dee freakin loved opening presents

and he got a TON of toys

This box was really difficult for him to open... he actually gave up and tried to open OUR presents

AND DONE! he passed out in this position pretty much the rest of the day.

Fog Machines and Rockband

I haven't updated my blog lately... i just feel sometimes like does anyone REALLY care whats going on in the crazy head of Miss Savannah G... usually i think the answer is no. But i started this blog not really caring if anyone read it, just to get my feelings out. so i think in that spirit... HERE'S AN UPDATE.

This is the first Christmas since 2008 we'll be spending together. 2009 he was in Bootcamp, and 2010 he was in Afghanistan... so as i told Rye it almost seems like uncharted territory, even though we've still spent 5 of them together in the past. Riley has a problem with Christmas... he spends WAAAAAAAY too much money. Thank goodness we both don't believe in having a credit card so the suffering of Christmas spending doesn't last through the entire year. Thankfully we are both finally DONE with spending this year... except we have to go shopping for Deezul tomorrow. who BY THE WAY, is now on the naughty list for destroying one of my victoria secret bra's.... seriously Deezul... did you REALLY think that was a smart move?

I was talking to Shellee (my amazing mother in law) and she had mentioned that she didn't know what to get us this year since they had both been planning on a ton of awesome baby stuff... pretty depressing when someone tells you that you screwed up your own Christmas. It just brought back the rawness of remembering what our plans for this Christmas WOULD have been. i would have been almost 6 months along by now... and i am MOSTLY over it all... i just HATE that we are getting very close to Riley leaving again, and we are still without good news. He starts his intense training again in January... so although he won't be in Afghanistan yet, i won't see him more than a few weeks until he pretty much deploys.

It's been super rainy here, WHICH I LOVE. i really love the rainy season in Hawaii. Riley can't stand it. it means we have to find more ways to stay busy INDOORS, which he is not a fan of. We've been playing a little more rockband, always a good time there :) Kyle got Rye a fog machine for Christmas, so we had a fog machine rockband night this last weekend. now all we need is the laser show and we'll be ready for our new years eve party :)

our Tree in the fog

my scentsy burner and little tree's ya... you can't really see them at all. haha

26.2

Riley took an online test once that told him that he is the 1/2 marathon type of runner... that he COULD run a marathon, but he would be hurting and the 1/2 is better suited for him. He decided to run one anyway!

Riley and Kyle found out last minute that they were going to have to work this weekend and couldn't run the race, after talking to their higher-ups they were excused to go run... i mean it IS a marathon after all!

We started our day at 12:30 (ya as in 30 min past midnight) we left the house by 1-ish to drive to waikiki and find parking... oh my goodness that was an experience all on it's own. we made our way down to the shuttle which then drove us over to the starting point. I realized quickly into the day that i am sick... i have some sort of a stomach bug, and was definitely NOT feeling too hot. fighting the urge to puke into a porta pottie is NOT fun... ugh.

We made our way to their designated start point ( the 3-4 hours group) and waited. The instructions were all given in japanese first and THEN in English, which i'm not going to lie upset me a little. I understand that 75% of the participants flew here for the event FROM Japan... however they were guests... if they held a race and 75% were americans that flew in for it.. i would still expect the primary language to be japanese. ANYWAY we were eventually able to find our way without any english signs telling us where to go.

The boys took off to a starting firework show, it was pretty legit. like 10 full minutes of fireworks... i'm a sucker for fireworks. and you can't tell me you don't love their outfits. they ran the whole thing together, how many people do you think thought they were a couple :)

After they started i was planning on heading straight to the finish to wait for 4 hours... but then i overheard that mile four would wrap right around to where i was... so i wait a little bit. i was SEARCHING for the green shorts along with the shirtless guy with a pink headband... how i missed them i'll never know (my eyesight is getting worse) LUCKILY my husband saw my pretty little face and pointed himself out... so i just barely missed it.....

if you look closely you can see Riley's eyes under Kyle's chin, staring at me like a creeper... gosh i hate that i missed them. So They passed and i started making my way to where some of the buses were SUPPOSED to be to take people to the finish... no buses... LAME... so i knew at this point i would have to walk the 3 miles back to the finish line... all the while feeling like i was about to puke. so i was standing and just playing with my camera taking some blurry shots (on purpose) wishing i had my tripod to get the effect i was wanting... when some weirdo starts talking to me. His name was Will, he's in the army and he was a creep. he told me (in the first 15 minutes of talking to him) that he has no problem going after married women as long as their men aren't deployed.... i looked at him and just said "seriously" with my most judgmental face on :) I am not the quickest person to realize when someone is hitting on me (cause it doesn't happen often) so it took me a good 10 minutes to realize that is what he was doing. When i mentioned i am married is when he brought out his charming line about married women (creep)... then he found out i was Mormon, and the rumors started flying... he was CONVINCED that i was a polygamist. the ONLY good thing that came of Will, is that an hour of me trying to get rid of him just flew by.

So with only about 2 ish hours left i joined the crowd of 10k race day walkers on their last 5k to the finish line... i tried to stay on the side since i was not registered... i honestly just needed to know how to get back to the finish. I walked down the main shopping strip of waikiki, when i nice older couple stopped me and asked me what the point of the marathon was, if it was for a foundation or what.. i informed them it was just the annual one but that their were a lot of teams running with shirts either FOR a foundation or there was a team whose shirts said "victory lap of 26.2 miles after beating cancer" he informed me his lovely wife is a cancer survivor and i told them that my nephew of only 4 years old just beat cancer as well. we chatted for a few minutes about their trip, and i learned that the younger man with them on their trip came to the island to visit my base... his brother was stationed at Kbay and was KIA earlier this year in Afghanistan. It was a conversation that i am better for having had.

I got to the finish line with nearly 3 hours on the clock. i decided it was time to find my spot at the finish line to get my classic picture of them finishing... this race was designed so if you want a picture of you finishing... you MUST buy theirs. there was no way for me to get a clear shot of the finish line. So i made the decision to walk down to right before the finish where everyone was cheering them on to finish strong, and found a place.

right before 4 hours i saw the green shorts and blue shirt.

 At the finish line then had these showers set up... Riley said it was AMAZING!

The are both in pain at this point. Riley has decided he is MUCH better at running 1/2 marathons, and that while he will do a few marathons... he's gonna mostly stick to the shorter distances... if you can call 13.1 miles short. Now we just need to get me ready for my 1/2 marathon.. i have about a year until go time!

I am SO proud of these boys. also you can SEE them getting thinner and more fit through all their races. I am SO glad i was able to brave through not feeling well and be able to be there for the guys. They are amazing, and i love being there to support them!

I am SO tired.

This weekend was the XTerra world championships for Trail Running. I kind of thought this would not be the best idea for Riley to run since he has the Honolulu marathon NEXT weekend.... but he assured me that it would be fine. So we registered him for the 21K (it was 13.6 miles which is .5 LONGER than a half marathon) through the jungles of Hawaii, I registered myself for the 5K, hoping to just beat my previous trail 5k time. Kyle signed up as well (his first trail run) as well as 2 other Marines.

We piled in the car early Sunday, and headed north on the highway, if you haven't ever been here going from our house towards the North Shore is GORGEOUS, you are on a road that is LITERALLY 10 ft from crashing waves, My car has gotten splashed by waves on more than one occasion. Up by chinaman's hat there is a ranch, Kualoa Ranch. It is HUGE and they film a ton of movies there. i have been wanting to do a tour there for a long time now, just haven't yet. We finally got there, found parking and just hung out, they had the parking just down a slight hill from the start/finish. So we were able to stay around the car until just right before, I sprawled across the trunk of our car so Riley could tape up my leg, which i have to say is the most AMAZING thing ever. Since i roll from the outside of my feet when i walk/run i get ALOT of shin and foot pain while running. it's the main reason i have hated running since middle school. but with using the KT tape (which will peel off if not secured at the top with a piece of duct tape, let me know if you know of a better sports tape for running) I have zero pain that SHOULDN'T be there.

The events from our car.

About 30 minutes prior to when the race was set to go, Team Xtreme made their entrance. If you don't know who Team XTreme is, they are a group that runs all sorts of races IN THEIR GAS MASKS.... not easy! they benefit the wounded warriors. This morning they were making one CPL's dream come true by parachuting him into the race, along with all of Team XTreme. Seeing this CPL who lost an arm and both his legs in Afghanistan last year, was absolutely moving. As the race was getting ready to start, they made their way to their place, which meant parting the crowd for his wheelchair and the group. everyone was cheering for them, there were about as many OOH-RAH'S yelled as there was clapping (including my husband, who you could tell was having a very motivated moment)

Team XTreme and Cpl Love

So the start time was delayed 20 mins... cause the cops that were supposed to direct traffic, just didn't show up. They fired the shotgun and Riley and the boys were OFF! 10 minutes later the shotgun was fired again and i was gone. I was getting passed like crazy at first... and was feeling like once again i was going to be in the VERY back of the pack... Then we reached the first hill, and not ONE other person was running, they were all walking (it was a tough hill) I slowly started passing people that had shot off like a bullet when we were on flatter ground. Then there was a downhill, and a few passed me again... next uphill i took it back! the first bead of sweat dripped off my nose at minute 8, then it was like a shower... sounds pretty gross huh! however i'm one of those girls that feels sexiest when i'm gross and sweaty, I mean whats not hot about girls who are active?! My legs were SO wobbly, i almost fell over a few times.... almost threw up a few times, EH it's part of the experience. I finally finished my 3.1 miles through the valley and tried to steady my breathing. I walked down to the car, changed into my flip flops, grabbed the camera and headed back up to the finish to wait.

gorgeous right!!!

The first of the 4 guys in our group to finish was Rye (SO proud of that boy!)

The other three trickled in within 18 minutes of Riley, one of them only 2 1/2 minutes behind.

Is that picture not fantastic. They had all just finished, were wearing their finishers medal and i told them all to look Bad-A... ya i think this one is being put onto a canvas. :) love it.

This is us with the ranch in the background. seriously such a gorgeous place!

It was an amazing event! we both had so much fun! We went to the after party later, and watched a slideshow as well as the video highlights, So i got to see the run that Riley was on... HOLY INSANE!! they were ducking under trees, and holding onto ropes as the ran down a muddle track. seriously when they post that video online, i will put a link up here, cause it looked insane.... oh and did i forget to mention that i beat my last 5k time, and Riley was in the top 100 overall for his race. He's been wanting to hit top 100 in a race for a LONG time, and this was the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP, with about a 1000 people running his race. AMAZING.

Here we go.

Another month is coming to a close... which means a NEW one is starting... the last month we'll ever have of 2011, treasure it.

I have been in a funk all week. Like REALLY in a not so fantastic mood. I am trying really hard... and that may be my problem. I just need to let go... and trust that i will be seriously and truly happy again. I have an AMAZING husband (seriously, he is the best) and a MOST OF THE TIME awesome dog... (except this morning when i found one of my good pairs of scissors RUINED)...

As i laid in bed last night with a few tears streaming down my face i thought to myself... Is not having a baby REALLY worth crying over... to which i quickly responded with a snotty sniffle and a "uh-huh". I had a breakdown... i know, CALL THE PRESS... it happens. I'm not always this strong woman you all may think i am. I struggle... DAILY. Rye came into bed laid on his side with Dee in between us, just reached over, grabbed my hand... and simply told me "it's gonna happen babe". that's all it took... one simple touch to stop my breakdown in session.

Then i think about it... people are asking me what i want for Christmas... ALL I WANT... is two pink lines. that's it. I want to know WITHOUT a doubt!!! that before Riley leaves this country again... that i will have a piece of him. That i will forever be able to look at our child and say "WE MADE THAT!" I want him to have a bigger reason to come home. I want to give him what he so badly wants. But no one can give that to me.

I never thought after our cruise in Nov 2007 that i would be here 4 years later.. still without a kid. I'm just about to that point, where i am starting to lose hope of it happening... and i don't need people to tell me that it's going to be ok... cause what if it's not. What if we NEVER get a baby G....

UGH LISTEN TO ME, i sound like such a negative Nancy!!! ok, i'm getting off the couch, putting on my new running clothes and going for a run... i need endorphins.... NOW!!!

I'M SORRRRRRRY!!! i've been BEYOND busy!

I seriously thought every single day about what i needed to post for what i am thankful for... so rather than post 10 back posts... i will just finish these gratitude posts with what i seem to be most thankful for lately.

I'm thankful that i'm healthy. I may not be getting ready to add a little one to our family right now... but there is physically no reason why i should not be able to do that sometime soon. Actually there is no reason that i should not be doing that NOW, but that's besides the point. I'M HEALTHY.... so many others are not able to say that right now. I am beyond thankful that i am one of those that IS able to say that. oh and in case you were wondering, my nephew Jaxon... COMPLETELY done with cancer treatments. CANCER FREE! Health is something that we take for granted... and we shouldn't. Because we never know when that may be taken away from us.

I had a dr. appointment this last week, and while things not be going the way i REALLY want them too.... They are going pretty good. And someday, we'll have a little Baby G.... but for now, i'm ok with where i am.

Every month that it's just Rye Deezul and I is another month i am able to continue to work out as vigorously as i have been. Riley and I are happy and healthy... and THAT is what i am most thankful for this year.

Thankful Day 15- Surprise Visits

Today i am thankful for those times when you are driving home, just wanting to get in the door so you can fully break down... and you try to pull in but someone is in your parking spot.

Tonight i got home to find that Steph decided to join us for dinner, i walked in on her and Rye playing his new call of duty. soon after, Kyle showed up. I wasn't even given the chance to break down and cry, i just realized how truly blessed i really am.

It's been a hard week. i'm super busy which always makes my emotions run high. But i would also be finding out this week if we were going to have a girl or boy, it's one of those milestones that i had marked on the calendar and a countdown on my phone for.

I had a meeting tonight, and of course i was the only wife that was not either pregnant or already had kids... And as usual i felt completely ostracized because of that. People never know what to say when they learn i don't have kids after half a decade of marriage, they always assume we don't want kids, and i think that instantly makes them have harsher feelings towards me, like i don't like kids or something. So i'm on my way home, this sad song comes on the radio and i just LOSE it. i mean i have tears just streaming down my face, i'm ready to go inside and just cry on Rye's shoulder and complain about how it's not fair, and all i want is a child is that SO much to ask for....

I never got that chance. I have just spent the last 2 hours spending time with a few of our best friends here, laughing and chatting about all sorts of things. Making it impossible for me to be ungrateful. It's obviously not my time for a baby right now, So i just need to be thankful for everything i HAVE been given, and be patient for those things i want so badly.

Try not to get caught up in the situation you are in, stop. take a look around. and realized how completely blessed you are.