a nice big send off

well, tomorrow is the last day of February 2011... i have been sick since the 4th of this month... and am JUST barely getting back to my old normal self. i have a teeny cough left, but the drugs seemed to have kicked this thing's trash and i'm going to live :) YAY! in some ways i feel like a total and complete failure this month... i have done NOTHING to get skinny... however i've been REALLY sick, i tried to start doing "insanity" this last monday, and called Kat 5 minutes into it crying because i couldn't breath and couldn't stop coughing... i had to come to terms with the fact that just because i took my last day of medicine didn't mean that the Bronchitis was magically all gone.

i am getting to the part of this deployment where i kind of feel like there isn't enough time left.... i know that sounds ridiculous because the thing i want more than ANYTHING is for Riley to be home with me again. The way i see it there are 2 types of Marine wives during a deployment (again this could be military wide, but i'm not going to make assumptions)
the first is the Wife who's only goal is to "survive" the deployment, they pretty much would hibernate for __ months if it would make it go faster. they hate that their husband is missing everything, and try to minimize WHAT he misses. these are the wives who plan for the homecoming a MONTH after they leave, and already have their outfit either on hold or bought and try it on weekly in preparation

Then there is the OTHER type.. this is the wife who when their Bad-A husband leaves they make a list of things needing to be accomplished by the end of the deployment... some of these may be possible... others are a bit of a stretch, their list is sometimes WAAAAY too long to be able to accomplish everything on it within the time frame given. almost ALWAYS this wife wants to look WAAAY better than she does when he leaves upon his return. She's the one who looks at dresses for homecoming EVERY week (sometimes every night) hoping to find the perfect one and be able to order it 3 sizes smaller than she currently is. because of all the goals she must accomplish she's constantly out in the world, thus NOT being able to minimize what is being missed by her better half... but happy, because she knows he'd be proud of her, and happy that she's continuing to live her life.

if you haven't guessed yet, i'm the second wife (not Riley's second wife, WE'RE NOT POLYGAMISTS! gosh quit thinking that will ya!) but i'm the second TYPE of wife, i have a list as long as i am tall... and i seem to have bit off more than i can chew... i want SO badly for Rye to be proud of me, what i've accomplished, and the woman i have become in his absence. i have the goals of the second type of wife, but i fear if i don't accomplish them all to my expectations i will fall short and will have only survived this deployment... nothing more. When Lincoln was gone, and i was talking to Tiff all the time... i was SO proud of her, and envious... the girl became INSANE with fitness, and got down to MY goal weight... she is the same height and body type as i am, and i was extremely jealous of her... but i KNEW in my head that when Rye was gone and not here to distract me, i'd be able to do it as well... but so far i have NOT been able to do it.. i have NO idea how i was able to lose the 25lbs while he was in bootcamp... i need to get back on track though.. but i can't beat myself up over the blasted month of February... for me, this is the month of deployment i basically spent on bed rest and doped up.Tuesday signifies a new month... a month closer to my goals... a month closer to my best friend being back with me.

And if i'm not able to achieve what i SO BADLY want in the time left.. i won't give up.. and i know that my husband is so absolutely in love with me, that if he were to show up today, he'd think i was a babe.. even if i am wearing my "dating a vampire is a pain in the neck" shirt, and a pair of plaid boxers.. with eyeliner smeared across my face... he'd just hope i smelled better than i look :)