Santa hates me.

So it's official... Santa hates me. all i asked for Christmas was a phone call from Riley... I even wrote a letter and put it in Santa's bag at the mall.. ok so i didn't do that... but i really thought about it. maybe i should have, maybe Santa wasn't sure that was what i wanted.

I made some fudge and dropped it off at Zack's parents house for them this evening. i sat and talked with them for a while. and when i left to go back home. it hit me... i just went through an entire Christmas without my better half. and i lost it. I tried calling Lauren and Kat... but understandably they were unable to answer. probably family stuff.

Christmas was hard. because anyone that i would normally call when i needed a rock was busy... and the other few that came to my mind... i didn't know if i wanted to call them bawling... i mean... Lauren has seen me cry more times than i can count. and she's been my best friend for so long i would trust her with my fragile emotions any day.
And Kat has definitely been one of my best friends. and that has only become stronger since the boys left... and i think the fact that i have still talked to noone is making it harder. i'll be fine tomorrow... i promise. but i think for at least tonight i'll let myself wallow in self pity. so don't worry about me. this blasted holiday is almost over, and i will wake up tomorrow having survived.

Initial Drill is tomorrow. i can't wait to hear how Riley's platoon does.
good night everyone.