Come Home

The Nightmares have started...

I remember when Lincoln was deployed and Tiff was on the home front. i would try and either text or call everyday, just to see how she was doing, if she needed to talk to anyone, and just because we were getting closer and i LOVED chatting with her. first of all, that girl is an AMAZING woman, i have no idea how she got through the deployment with soo much grace. she makes us all look bad... and she's so modest she'll totally tell you that the rest of us handle them better. i loved everyday that i got to talk to her, and got to know her better... she's one of the first people i met when i moved to utah, we went to elementary school together. We were friends, just not really close... more of the "AT SCHOOL" friends... which there is nothing wrong with, and i'm not sure why we never hung out more. (probably cause i was too boy crazy for people to want to be around me) i always thought she was one of the nicest people in my grade though, and i can HONESTLY say, i never once said a bad thing about her. and had i tried i don't know what i would have come up with. She married Lincoln 2 years ago now, and they are PERFECT for eachother! really, they are. I've also known Lincoln since 6th grade, he lived a few blocks up the hill from me, and we'd play. i actually broke my arm on his trampoline, and for years he told me i needed to come get the blood stain off his trampoline.. gross! i hung out with him all the way through high school, but he wasn't in my normal group of friends. He's a really great guy, and like i said Tiff is an AMAZING girl... they are perfect for each other.

When Lincoln left for Afghan, that was the first time that someone i really knew was going over there, not just a friends husband. And like i said i would talk to Tiff almost everyday, and that's how i kind of gauged what a deployment would be like for me. So far Riley has been more fortunate to have access to phones and such, and i'm not Naive enough to think that it will continue like that for the entire time. not that i would complain. but Tiff usually got about one phonecall a week. give or take. and she was ecstatic when she got a call, and be sure to text or call me and let me know that he called and give me a little update on how he's doing.

And then there were the days that i would text her, ask how she was holding up... and all i'd get as a reply would be "it was a rough night, but i'm ok" now i had just SURVIVED bootcamp... which i thought was the worst thing in the world. so a "rough night" for me, was when i would bawl uncontrollably for like a few hours, and then not really be able to sleep... She was nice enough not to elaborate for me, i don't think she wanted me to know how hard things really are as a wife getting through a deployment. because the night before last, i had my first nightmare... and it was the realest, saddest, scariest dream i think i've had since i was little. i'm not going to tell you what it was about. but you know how every wife has that ONE thing that scares them on deployments, whether it be transports, post, patrols just a number of different things... this dream was about the one thing that i really honestly don't feel comfortable with, i know what his job is... and i know that it's not going to change because i'm scared of him going out and doing this thing... but that doesn't change my thoughts on it.

so i had my first "rough night" and i'm sure there are many more to come. i survived. it's now been 2 weeks since he left. 14 whole days. i still have not cried since the night he left, i'm holding up. well unless you count the few tears from the st judes commercial, or the little girl on the news that started bawling when she skyped with her mom in afghan... but not anything normal like laying in bed crying. please don't tell me it is flying by... i KNOW that for the rest of you, these last few weeks with the holiday and shopping probably HAVE flown by. however for a wife who's husband is off at war, they have felt like months. i'm glad that we're 2 weeks down now, it means i'm 2 weeks closer to having him home.

So babe, when you read this... Come Home



"Come Home"

[Verse 1]
Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll..

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oh

[Verse 2]
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything i see
The world ain’t as half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now..Yeahh
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud
Until then

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Oh

[Interlude]
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
So hear this now

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Come home

Tis the Season

Well, in blog news, and i know you all probably don't care ALL that much... but i am now only 5 posts away from hitting 100.... that is INSANE!!! when i hit 100 i'll do a special post about my blog... i'm going to blog about blogging... YES...

Now onto the post. Yesterday was officially thanksgiving, and i honestly hope you all had soo much food you couldn't breathe! Since i had the turkey and rest of the amazing turkey day food a few weeks ago, i tried to spend yesterday as a normal day. i walked Deezul down to the beach at like 7:30 in the morning. then came home and was just watching the Macy's thanksgiving day parade, When Shaunci called and asked if i wanted to hit up the beach for a bit. so we went and laid out for about an hour... I am pleased to announce that i am NOT sunburnt. but have a little bit of new color on me. i came home after ONLY an hour, and Deezul had gotten ahold of my black pen that i use to write Riley's letters... and had killed it... all over the white sheet that was on the couch needing to be put away... it was my fault, he loves playing with those pens, and i forgot to pick it up off the floor... but i'm serious, a few weeks ago, before Riley left... he never would have done anything like this... i am learning alot about patience... and how to deal with him, without screaming or wanting to cry and pull my hair out.

sitting next to the scene of the crime.... Butthead.

closer view of the damage.

Speaking of Deezul, soo he LOVES to just hangout on the back porch, we have like a 25 foot chain for him out there, so he can lay in the grass or sit on top of the hill and over look the neighborhood and beach. Riley and I take advantage of him hanging out outside to get treats and eat them when he isn't around to beg... HOWEVER. he has intuition like a mother. i'll come into the living room from the kitchen with ice cream, or fruit, or popcorn... or anything really... and as soon as i step out of the kitchen, EVEN if he was passed out in the grass when i went INTO the kitchen, i'll walk in the living room and he's sitting at the back door with this creep "i know what you have" look on his face... 

I Know What You're Eating...

 Ok so after he destroyed the pen, i showered, put on some sweats and headed over to Shaunci's for movie day. we watched "Charlie St Cloud" i read the book a few months ago, so i LOVED the movie... PLUS Zack Efron is not too rough on the eyes.... Riley, don't act surprised by this, you TOTALLY know i have a little crush on him :) after that we watched Princess and the Frog, a personal favorite of mine. Shaunci had never seen it. Of course she loved it, how could you not adore that movie!

I was able to get a quick phone call from Riley yesterday around noon. he had just come off a 12 hour shift, and had 3 hours to sleep before he had ANOTHER 6 hour shift... he's exhausted. so if any of you are sending him packages, Energy Drinks are one of the newest thing to put on your lists... before he left for Afghan he had given up caffeine COMPLETELY he had looked into the health pro's and Con's of it and decided that it wasn't good for him, and gave it up. (i know that as Mormon's we're not supposed to have caffeine, but it took him looking into the health aspect for him to want to give it up... i still will have a caffeinated drink if i'm out to eat and they don't have caffeine free Diet Coke) anyway with his 18 hour days over in the desert, he is actually wanting energy drinks... he prefers the low-carb ones... low carb monster is his favorite, just FYI. also pancake mix and syrup, but the pancake mix that only requires you to add water.

Well today is black friday, but because of a few calls from Germany that cost much more than we were expecting, i will not be shopping today. i usually DO the black friday shopping, but it will have to wait this year. I have decided i am actually going to decorate for christmas and try to enjoy the season. last year it was a bit too much to handle, but because i was always with friends i had no choice but to do Christmas-y things. i was originally going to not do ANYTHING for the holidays, If Riley were here, he'd want me to enjoy this time. this IS his favorite holiday, and this will be his 2nd year missing it. so i am going to celebrate, and get my practice in for next year...

Riley Gardiner, next year's Christmas is going to knock your socks off!!!!! so get ready Babe!!! i love you and i miss you!!!!!

So today i will be breaking out the Christmas music. and on payday next week, i'll be going out and getting some christmas lights and a tree, and will be PRAYING that Deezul doesn't destroy the tree....

As Always Keep 2/3 in your Prayers, especially my Island Warrior Riley. and continue to Pray for my Nephew Jaxon, he is starting his 2nd Chemo treatment next week, and has recently lost all his hair. however my sister in law is an AMAZING mother, and she shaved her head to make him feel better about losing his.

Thankful

Alright, so call me a little Cliche, but tomorrow IS thanksgiving afterall... and even though i celebrated the holiday 2 weeks ago, the Calendar still says it's technically tomorrow. So this is my post about being thankful.

I am thankful for sooo many things, so don't think that it is limited to what i have on the list here.

1. I am thankful for Time... i know it might seem like an odd thing for me to be thankful for. But i am. Riley left for Bootcamp almost exactly a year ago... he was around last Thanksgiving and left shortly after. if you've been following my blog, you'll know that he was away for trainings after that... i saw him on weekends, and then he came here to Hawaii, where he started his "work up" to this deployment. in the last year (365 days) since last thanksgiving, i've been able to spend 153 days with him... if my math is correct(which it totally may not be, i'm no good at math) that adds up to 41.9% of the year... not even half of it. the really strange thing is that next thanksgiving my time will have been less than this year, because of the deployment. but i am extremely thankful, and grateful for every day i get to spend with him. he is amazing, and definitely my hero.

Last Thanksgiving, only a few days before this journey started.

2.I am thankful for Technology... on the 58.1% of the year i was not able to spend with Rye, i normally had absolutely NO contact with him. except for the occasional letter. however, while he was in California for that month, i was able to receive phonecalls.. not a ton, because his cell didn't get signal. but he was able to borrow phones. when he was at work, but not away, i was able to text him during the day... something alot of people take for granted. i could text him about something funny that happened. or how mad i was that some ants found Deezul's food, or ask what sounded good for dinner... that kind of stuff. NORMAL stuff. i'm thankful that technology allows me to stay connected to him even when he's NOT half a world away. and i think Skype falls under this category.. i recently discovered Skype, while Riley was in a random foreign country. being able to see his face, made everything better. i sat on Skype with him for like an hour just making faces at him :) i'm thankful that even though he is in Afghanistan that he has phone/internet access... not all the time, and it's not uber reliable... but i'll take it. i don't know how you world war 2 wives did it... you are some STRONG women. 

3. I am thankful for Deezul...when we first saw Dee and his 2 sisters, Riley had already insisted we get a BOY dog, not a girl. so we held Deezul and tried to get him to play with us. he was only 6 weeks old and basically just fell asleep in my arms.. but he was precious. we went back to base, and later that day Riley turned to me and said "should we get him?!" i had already forgotten about Dee, Riley will let me play with puppies, but then tells me no when i ask if we can keep him :) so i had learned by this point to NOT get my hopes up. but i guess little Dee had stolen Riley's heart. i looked at the clock and told him they closed in 30 min cause it was a sunday... he grabbed the keys and we were out the door. and we went and spent alot of money on the little guy that would soon have my heart in the palm of his paw... it took me a few months to actually LOVE him, and for him to be "my baby boy" rather than the puppy that cost us alot of money. In August he started losing his hair in patches, and i was worried that he wasn't going to be the pretty dog we had hoped he would be. but we found out he had demodex mange, common for his breed, and curable.. so now it's maintained, and he is healthy and GORGEOUS! the only thing now is we have to get his eyelids fixed... call it an eyelid lift. but he honestly makes my life more enjoyable. he's alot of work, and sometimes i feel like just setting him into the wild and telling him not to come back, but 90% of the time, he's a PERFECT puppy, he doesn't chew on furniture, chords, anything really. he is realizing that I'M the alpha, and he is required to listen to me, and it's making both of our lives easier for this deployment. He's really depressed since Riley left, he's been acting out, and he'll scratch at the bedroom doors until i open them and he can check that Riley is not in there, then he comes back to the living room, and either looks like he's the saddest puppy in the world.. or he'll whine. but he sure is a snuggler, and he loves his mama more than anything :)

Deezul being a butthead... this is what i get to deal with for the next 7 months. :)

and then he's the sweetest dog in the whole world!!!

4. I am thankful for Music...it's one of those things that can ampliphy your mood. if you're sad, you can listen to something sappy, if your happy you can listen to GLEE and sing along at the top of your lungs! which i do... again, i'm sorry to my upstairs neighbor.. but i'm sure on HER list of what she's thankful for.. she's probably thankful that i have talent, and i don't sound like a tortured animal. but in all seriousness, there are alot of songs i can listen to, and know that sometime in the last 24 hours, Riley has probably listened to that exact same song... on my ipod of course, cause the idiot stuck his in the washing machine back in October, and being the good wife i am, i let him take mine to Afghan, and i'm stuck with his handicapped one until i get a new one.

5. I am thankful for Friends...new and old, i treasure each and every one of you. Since Riley left, i have experienced an outpour of love from so many people that i didn't know even paid attention to what was going on in my life. i promise, i facebook stalk most of you :) and look at soo many of your pictures, i should be better at commenting, and i'm trying to get better at that. everytime i see a comment, text, or e-mail i light up. knowing that i have the support of soo many of you, and that if i really truly needed something, that you would all be there with whatever i need. and to my new friends, i'm learning more and more about you everyday, and while we may not be close forever... know that you have honestly changed me!

6. I am Thankful for Riley.. i didn't mean to make him number 6, but i've mentioned him in every one of the other things.when i met him, i honestly didn't see myself MARRYING the kid, i mean i was 15... but as some of you may know. i got engaged halfway through my senior year. i know you all think that getting married right out of high school is a dumb decision, and when a teen comes to me wanting me to be ALL FOR IT, and convince their parents that it turned out ok for me, i won't do it... because 90% of the time, i don't recommend it. HOWEVER, as soo many people will tell you, they've never met a happier couple. even after 4 1/2 years almost. i love him, he's honestly my soul mate. these have been the best years of my life. i am also thankful for the fact that we have grown into full blown adults. makes it alot easier on our relationship that we don't really fight anymore. we've figured out what is worth fighting over, and so we don't normally fight over anything anymore, it's not worth the anger and resentment. i will tell you, i used to get SO PISSED, because he will put his McDonalds cups in the sink after he was done with them. instead of dumping them out and throwing the cup away.. and that is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves about him.. i can't even tell you how many times i probably yelled and screamed about that... you're probably laughing at me now. haha, heck i'll laugh at myself... i've learned that i can be irritated with him, but NOT need to fight him on dumb things like that. he also leaves his vitamin wrappers on the counter. i DESPISE those gold wrappers.. he knows that both of those things bug me to no end, and i honestly don't know if he does it on purpose, because he thinks it's funny to watch me throw away the wrappers and cups while muttering what an idiot he is under my breath. or if years of living with his mom who does the same thing, and is too OCD to leave it there too long, that he really doesn't even realize he's doing it. all i know is. FOR 7 MONTHS I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR CUPS AND WRAPPERS!!!! haha and i am oh so thankful for that :) so many other wives are like "i miss how he used to pee on me in the shower" (ok no one has said that, but you get the point, something disgusting and irritating...) yes they claim to miss the things that they would scream at them over.. don't lie to yourselves ladies, everytime you're in the shower, you may miss him... but you are also secretly grateful that you dont have to share the hot water with someone else, and you're not getting peed on... :) ok on a serious note, since i know Riley is going to read this and think to himself "Sav, i KNOW you miss the wrappers and cups" I'm thankful that i was able to marry my best friend. i'm thankful that we fall more into love everyday. i'm thankful that no matter how much i love you, you'll always love me more. i'm extremely thankful that you work, and have such a demanding job, to support me. and you never once complain that i'm living easy while you bust your butt everyday. i'm thankful that you WANT me to be happy, and to not have to go to a job that i hate everyday. I'm thankful that you were willing to sit through one episode of Glee, so that you could fall in love with it. and last, i'm thankful that you are the most loving and supportive man, and i can't wait to have a family with you, but i am oh so thankful we have waited :) it's been a crazy ride Cute Bum, but i wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.

Our wedding Day Aug 19th 2006.. LOOK HOW YOUNG WE LOOK!

Feb 25th, after not seeing him for 3 months. we've grown up alot!

we've definitely grown up alot since we first met.

7. I am Thankful for Family... our families have been soo supportive over these last few years. even though some of you may have thought i was knocked up when we first got married(don't worry i would have thought the same thing... and i probably would have put bets on our marriage as well haha). and since Riley has joined the Marines, i'm realizing how amazing you all are. i mean the Washburn side of Riley's family is doing care packages for him, they are so proud of him... and he won't admit it, but he secretly loves all the gushy things people say to him about him serving our country. after the ball a bunch of people would stop and stare as we walked by them, cause he was in his blues, a few people stopped us and thanked him for what he does. some asian chicks kept taking his picture... but he loves that, he loves that people are thankful for HIM! when he talks about how his mom called him on veterans day and thanked him for serving our country.. he got all choked up. he likes to think that he is actually doing something with his life. and what he's doing is actually worth something. and you all help him to know that what he's doing is AMAZING. so i am thankful for all of you!

last but certainly not least

8. I am thankful for The Gospel... almost a year ago, i posted about my testimony, and how i hoped the church was true, and i thought it was true... but i wasn't sure. i can now post, with total confidence... THE CHURCH IS TRUE!!! i don't think i even understood what i was unsure of. Living in a place where i am basically the only Mormon, i'm learning ALOT about what other people believe. i mean on Oprah yesterday, some catholic nuns had said "Everyone is only married till their Death, but our love for Jesus is eternal" and until recently i honestly didn't realize that other religions don't believe in "Time and All Eternity" like we do. i am ETERNALLY thankful that i can spend FOREVER with Riley. I am thankful that a 14 year old boy was brave enough to stand up for what he believed. i'm thankful that our church doesn't require perfection... only that we STRIVE for it. i'll be the first one to admit that me and Riley aren't perfect, FAAAR from it. but we are trying, and we're improving. i'm at the point right now, where i see SOO MANY people that i know, and i just want to tell him everything i know about the church. and that i know as soon as they hear it, they'll want to get baptized. however, if i were to do that, i would then become the pushy Mormon friend... and no one wants that. so instead, i'm just trying to be the best example i can be. and when they point out my flaws to my face, i take it. i don't fight back and say things that may be true but are also hurtful. i'm trying to realize that people will try to point out things that i do "wrong" because they don't want to believe that Mormon's are perfect.. REMEMBER how i said we're not perfect, i don't need people pointing that out, i already know. however when they point things out, i honestly strive to improve, and i am thankful that i am open enough that i am able to see that i need improvement. I am thankful for Thomas S. Monson, and for the rest of our leaders, who will continue to stand up for what is RIGHT, and not for what is convenient for the world.

we went to see the temple the night before he left, it's kind of a tradition, and i took this picture of the Oahu Temple

well i won't make this post any longer, just know i am also thankful  Josh Groban, and Glee :)

Keep 2/3 and the rest of the military in your prayers this thanksgiving. because hopefully you are as thankful for them as i am.

Broken Vow- this one's for you Lalo

Alright, happy tuesday!!! this means that Riley has officially been going for 10 days... I'M IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS NOW!!! i still am doing really well... i thought since my husband is off fighting a war, and it's dangerous that i would be an absolute WRECK... however, i'm not. i'm actually doing better than when he was at bootcamp... give me a few weeks, and i'll probably have a few break-downs under my belt :)

so today i am missing Lauren Billings... gosh, we've been friends for almost 10 years now, we used to have fights in high school... but i honestly can't remember what a single one of them was about. we were basically attached at the hip especially sophomore year... oh gosh, we were SUCH nerds, in the fall we were joking about how we should paint the schools roses red... cause they were white.. and we joked about it all year... so on the last day of school we actually painted them red... not all of them, we weren't that gutsy, but  a few.. we also rode around on her Kick A scooter... went through multiple boyfriends, one of us got our first kiss(totally wasn't me, and please don't murder me for putting this up here HAHA)  but the thing i miss very most, is her piano. i've never been able to play the piano, between her and Meg they taught me a few songs, and if you ask Lauren's mom, i played the same 40 seconds of Christophori's dream about a ZILLION times..

But at least a few times a week, i would go over to Lauren's and we'd sit at the piano, and she'd play, and we'd both sing.. we had a HUGE collection of favorites, which included... drumroll please

anything Hercules(or disney for that matter)
Could've Been(by Tiffany. we actually sang this one for the talent show that year, and rocked it might i add)
Wicked
Celine Dion( we were singing my heart will go on one day, and i BELTED and nailed the High F... had no idea that was an accomplishment till Lauren was like "HOLY CRAP SAV")

but our very favorite, was anything Josh Groban... we have a slight obsession with good ol' JG, we ended up singing "when you say you love me" at my mom's wedding. but Broken Vow, and Remember when it Rained were always sung...

and today i am REALLY missing singing at the top of my lungs. i haven't belted in a LONG time... and my voice is a little weak from mis-use, but i'm trying to re strengthen it. The relief society president found out that i sang all throughout high school.. and had a look on her face like she was plotting... so i've decided that it's better safe than sorry! so dearest upstairs neighbor... i'm sorry that you have to listen to me singing Glee and Lady Antebellum everyday in the tub and or Shower... but at least i'm not tone-deaf :)

Lauren, i miss you!!! so go get on your keyboard, and play some JG for old times sake!!

Brothers

Growing up in Washington i had one of the biggest families in the school. i remember when i was in either 1st or 2nd grade(it was a split class so i had the same class for 2 years) my sister Ali was born. and they had a mock "baby shower" for my mom, my class brought some presents and cake and stuff... it was so sweet of them, and growing up i realize that it's not a normal thing for a class to do.. ANYWAY, some of the kids made some jokes about how it was the 5th kid to be born into our family.. and that was when it hit me.. i had a big family.

AND THEN, when i was 12 and my parents got divorced. My mom moved us 5 kids to Utah so that she could go back to school at BYU. and lets just say, one of the first weeks of my 6th grade class we were talking about brothers and sisters and the teacher asked who had a big family. and they were trying to figure out who had the biggest family. and i stupidly raised my hand to be put into the contest.... i had one of the smallest families in the class. In Utah it's not unusual for a family to have 7-12 kids as an average.

I was born Savannah Lee Brown, second oldest of 5 kids. i have an older sister Brittany. 2 younger brothers Paul, then Phil. and last i have my little sister Ali. but growing up i was always sad that i didn't have an older brother. don't get me wrong i LOVE AND ADORE both Paul and Phil

however, i always wanted that protectiveness, something that younger brothers don't quite provide in the way a big brother does.

In high school i was in a performing group "Acting Up" lot's of kids my own age from all over the county. and it was amazing how i could become so insanely close with all of those AMAZING people. i became really close with Ben Knell, we'd chat on the phone for hours, i'd go hang out at his house, surprise him for his birthday and such by TOTALLY cleaning his room. yes i was CONVINCED that i was completely in love with him, and we were meant to be together... but he did a very good job of convincing me that it wasn't going to happen, and i was just "his best girl-friend" he was head over heels for Lauren, and more than once i tried to convince Lauren why she should like him.. lets face it, if i couldn't have him, i wanted him to be HAPPY, cause he was one of my best friends. i gave up on trying to make him like me and just embraced the fact that we were so close. he was even my date to the sweethearts dance which landed on my 16th birthday. Ben became the closest thing to a "big brother"  i'd ever had. he was protective over who i dated, and was furious when i had my heart broken.

Then i met and fell in love with Riley, and sorta drifted fron Benji. i soon had a serious boyfriend, and then a husband. but was once again missing that "brotherly" thing.

When Riley left for BootCamp and i moved back up to Utah County, i felt instantly like i was going to be well taken care of, everyone knew what was going on in my life and was genuinely supportive and worried about me. i attended multiple "missionary nights" where a big group of us would get together and talk religion, ask any questions we had, bear our testimonies and learn ALOT. I went to alot of the Acting Up functions, trying to pay it forward to the younger generation. during Riley's time at bootcamp i had a big bunch of "big brothers" who were ready there for me if i needed advice, or had religious questions, or just needed to cry for hours.

J
AJ
Ben Wille
Nick
and Lauren's husband Dal

Then Riley moved onto San Diego, and i was on the road back and forth to and from every weekend. Zack moved on to his training in Florida, and Kat went with him, Lauren was back up in provo. so 5 out of 7 days a week, i was completely alone.

and now here we are in sunny Hawaii... Riley, I, and a whole ton of Marines. It's no secret that i've always been one of the guys, i've always been "the friend" not the girl that anyone ever wanted to date. i wasn't the pretty one, or the "it" girl, i was the funny girl, the one who gives great advice, the one who was willing to try and help you out, so that even though i may be crazy about you, i'll try to hook you up with my best friend.

So moving into a lifestyle where being friends with guys isn't an option, i was a little worried... cause i DON'T LIKE GIRLS!!! they are drama filled, and mean, and back stabbing, and whiney, and immature.... i've only had a few really close girlfriends. but other than that... i have always been careful about hangin out TOO much with girls... cause it's exhausting.

The first few weeks we were here, we'd take a few of the guys to honolulu with us. and go out for movies and such with them. so after we moved into our house, i threw one of them a birthday party. Grass, Martinez, and Deleon were Riley's first friends on the island. and soon, Grass was over at our house every weekend, and alot of times during the week. they left for a training, and when they came back, Riley wanted some just "Sav" time. so we distanced ourselves from hanging out EVERY weekend. After they got back from a month in Cali in sept, Riley had made alot of friends at this point. and i would invite them over, or we'd go out to a movie or dinner. and i started getting to know these boys, where they are from, past/present girlfriends. i gave LOTS of advice on lots of different things to them all. one in particular kind of became Riley's "best friend"... and he even eloped right before deployment(shout out to Willis!)  and when we had our big thanksgiving dinner, it was just like a big family dinner. it was SOOO much fun!!! and it felt like we were finally starting to fit in where we were supposed to.

The night Riley left, you all know i was inconsolable. i was sending my husband, my very best friend off. what i don't think i realized was that i was sending off a big huge group of my "brothers". alot of them throughout the day came up and gave me hugs and told me they would take care of Rye and we would all hang out in 7 months. when Willis came up right before they got on the buses and gave me one last hug, it was about all i could take, i have alot invested in this group of Marines. i wasn't expecting that.

Riley hasn't had internet/phone access in a couple days, but last night Brad (one of the guys in Riley's fire team) logged on to facebook, and we were able to chat for like 20 min. and he is one of those guys i talked about in my last post... the ones who don't value themselves enough. he even said that he will MAKE sure that if anything happens to any of them, it would be him, not any of his brothers. I told him that i have pretty good intuition, and i just have a feeling like everything is going to be ok. and told him it was probably just me being a religious nut but that nothing was going to happen to any of them, because they all needed to come home safe to me, because i'm a strong girl... but i'm not strong enough to have to deal with that if anything happened to any of them. i told him they were like my little brothers, and i felt protective over them. we then got in an argument, that even though i'm OOLD he says THEY are the big brothers. and if any of these crazy wives or single marines try to mess with me, they'll be a whole bunch of em with (and i think he said this exactly) Cement, and bats. and then it hit me... i have more big brothers than i can even count. ya, in high school my guy friends were protective, but i have NO doubt that if anyone tried to mess with me, that these boys would not be opposed to violence.

He said "Riley is my brother, i love him like a brother because that's what he is to me. and Sav, that makes you my sister-in-law". but it made me realize... if i consider these boys like family to me... imagine how RYE feels... he is closer to them than ANYONE he was friends with in high school.. other than Zack. i don't think i fully grasped how Riley has a "band of brothers" ok that was super cheesy.. but you know what i mean. i always thought the one thing Riley couldn't ever do for me was give me the big brother i'd always wanted. but, he's given me about 20 of em. they may be his brothers first. but i know that if i ever needed anything they'd be there.

now some of you may take this post the wrong way... and think that it is inappropriate to be friends with guys once you're married.... to you i say, have some faith in your relationship. These boys all know how HEAD OVER HEELS in love with Riley i am... i probably tell them way too often. i've always been soo careful to never give off even the hint of the wrong signals. like i said, i've always been "one of the guys" i have a feeling it's part of why Riley fell in love with me. i'm not affraid to fight back when they say something mean, and usually i'll say something that will shut them right up and put them back in their place... i'm feisty. And when they DO pick on me, and yes.. they pick on me alot! Riley doesn't ever step in, cause he knows that i can handle myself. i don't ever pull the "Rye their being mean to me!" card... i just put them in their place.

so for those of you NOT in the military lifestyle, you probably won't understand completely. but i just wanted to give you a little more insight on WHY i posted my last post. i got alot of crap from people about it. saying that i should WANT every single one of these guys to step in front of a bullet so my husband can come home. but it doesn't work like that. These aren't just some other Marines... i think when you see stories on the news about someone giving up his life for the lives of 8 others, you don't quite see the back story to that. and maybe i'm not like most other Marine wives, maybe it's the "Utah" in me that forms such close bonds with people that i consider them family. Every lost life on the news has a story, he is mourned by his brothers, possibly their families and wives. "The worth of souls is great in the sight of God"



OK I SWEAR THIS WILL BE THE LAST DEPRESSING POST FOR A WHILE!!! promise!!!

keep 2/3 in your prayers and thoughts!

Look unto Christ in every thought. Doubt Not! Fear Not!

The Worth of Souls

D&C 18:10 Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.

In seminary my sophomore year, i had the most AMAZING teacher, Brother Mortenson... i think that he, more than any other authority figure, not only made me believe the Church was true, but made me appreciate the gospel. he had soooo many lessons that have stuck with me all these years. one of those lessons was regarding this scripture mastery. In our scriptures he had us change this verse slightly into "Remember, the worth of MY soul is great in the sight of God" i mean how can you NOT believe that God loves you after thinking about it that way.

This scripture has been weighing on my mind tonight. Talking to Shaunci i was recalling some disturbing things that some of the boys had said to me before they deployed. i had more than a few guys tell me that they would take care of my husband for me, and make SURE that he came home to me. and all went as far as to say "I would take a bullet for Riley, if it was between the two of us, HE has more reason to come home. i would absolutely jump in front of a bullet for him"

ok, so i have MANY issues with this statement.... i'm just going to rant for a while on this one... so bear with me...

first of all.... don't you think that if you jumped in front of a bullet that was meant for him, that it would mess him up beyond belief... i know that if someone died, so that i could live... and i had to witness this. it would be alot to have to deal with. thinking that YOU were the cause of their death. and it should have been you instead.

second... Who the hell do you think my husband is to think that he deserves to come home more than you... EVERY single one of the boys that recently left for Afghan deserves to come home... equally. Do i want Riley to come home no matter what? OF COURSE I DO. but i HATE when people don't value themselves. if you are out their valuing Riley's life over your own, where is your head? i want EVERYONE who is out there with Riley to want to come home at all costs. i WANT them to fight, with everything that they have... because THOSE are the type of guys i want with him, not some kids who don't care if they come back.

third of all... these boys are my fiends, and i don't want them even entertaining the idea of NOT coming back. a few of them were giving me instructions on what to do with their stuff in case they don't make it back... i've never lost a close friend... and these Marines have been the closest thing to family i have had around in the last 7 months. if anything happened to ANY of them i would be devastated.. Yes Riley has a wife, and one day will have a family of his own.. and i can see where they are coming from... but all of them have parents, and siblings, and friends and family that CARE about them.

so while thinking about this today, this scripture just popped into my head... these Marines need to Remember where they came from. and that they are worth something. and that God loves them all... not just my husband.

So as Brother Mortenson always said at the end of every class
"LOOK UNTO CHRIST IN EVERY THOUGHT" and we'd finish the scripture by saying back "DOUBT NOT, FEAR NOT!!!" D&C 6:36

Dear Cookie Dough, i know i'm going to Regret you!

oh how i wish this title had NOTHING to do with what i am doing........... UN fortunately..... it does... whenever Riley leaves, i lose all motivation to do ANYTHING... it takes all the strength and Moto i have to get out of bed and NOT just lay there for HOURS... and for the first week i usually Binge on crap food... stuff me and Riley would normally NEVER put in our bodies... Brownies, Cake, Cookie Dough, Chips, ya know that sort of stuff..... well i am almost all the way through "Binge Week" and i already feel HORRIBLE... would exersize make me feel better and more energized, ya, i already know that... however, my husband just went off to war.. I CAN SKIP THE GYM DANGIT... and you can't say anything bad about me, cause YOU. DON'T. EVEN. KNOW!!! hahaha man, i am sounding a bit defensive.. but really i already have my plan set in place for while he's gone. I start next week, and i end with him coming home, and me having reached my goal weight... i cannot wait for that!! i started this journey a year ago, when he left for bootcamp.. and lost a freakin good chunk of weight in the 3 months he was gone... i gained a few back after, however i was living in hotel rooms and driving 20+ hours a week to go see him at his other training... so it's completely excusable i think... you can't lose weight while eating on the road.

so here i go again. i'm hopeful and excited... i really enjoy spending time and effort on myself.. and the big difference this time around, is i'll actually have money, and i won't be living off the few dollars i had. so i can do it right. i can get HAAWT (that's supposed to say hot..) and get some new clothes.

so if you'll excuse me, i'm going to finish Binge Week without feeling bad about it!

on a completely separate note, Riley is in Afghan after days of travel. i've been able to hear from him a few times. he's doing really well. he said the food at the temp base they are at right now is AMAZING! if any of you want his address to send him anything just send me a comment and i'll make sure to get it to you. i don't just want to post it on here for security reasons though... ok so i think i'm allowed to post it since it's on about a billion websites.. but i don't want some creeper girl sending my husband pictures and crap. so if you're some tramp who is a "tag chaser" hahaha you aint gettin my man!

please pray for 2/3 and the rest of the troops fighting for the freedoms we enjoy everyday. some of those boys may not come back, and alot of them are my friends... so keep them in your daily prayers. especially Rye!!!!

and Pray for my Nephew Jaxon, who is currently fighting a war of his own. The C word may almost be scarier than Afghan, for a toddler i KNOW it is... he's a tough kid and he's going to win this battle!!!

Killing Zombies

Alright so i haven't blogged in a few weeks. i haven't really done ANYTHING in the last few weeks if it didn't have to do with Riley. i basically ignored my calls and texts from family members, didn't respond to people on facebook. and i DO feel bad about that, because i know that what they wanted was important... it just had no importance to me. I was busy spending my last few weeks with my AMAZING husband, getting him packed and prepared to head off to war.

spending our last few days with eachother. he was on the phone with his family alot.

there is something about being the wife of an infantryman, When Rye first signed up he wasn't going to do infantry. he was going to be a POG(term for anyone that's NOT infantry, stands for Person Other than Grunt) and i was fine with that. but when they messed up his paper work a little he was able to pick a new job. i told him anything but infantry i was fine with. and i saw his face fall a little. he WANTED to be the guy on the front line actually making a difference. SGT Worthen came up with a compromise. there was a job where Riley would do security for like the white house and other stuff like that for 3 years of his 5 year contract and then the last 2 years he would be regular infantry. and i was SOO happy with that because he would be non deployable for the first 3 years.

well the day he left for bootcamp we realized one of the guys in the office had messed up Riley's paperwork and he was going to be infantry.. thats it.. nothing else. SGT Worthen was PISSED and let Riley know that he could actually go home and NOT have to leave for bootcamp... and his dad tried to convince him that it might be best... but Zack was going, and Riley wasn't about to ditch his best friend. so that is how i became an infantry wife.Riley's mom i think is still in denial of what HIS job actually is. but it's hard to understand what he does, and try to be ok with him going off to war.

well Halloween weekend we went to the Marine Corps Ball, it was alot of fun. except for getting stuck in traffic and being super late because we had to walk like 2 miles to get there. i felt like the prettiest girl in the world. and Riley WAS the most handsome man in the room :) and probably one of the only sober ones :)

On Halloween we had a little get together at our house with a few other married couples and carved pumpkins, and then cooked the seeds... a little FHE for all you Utah peeps haha. it was ALOT of fun!!!

the next sunday we had "Thanksgiving"... i knew the guys were all pretty bummed about missing all the holidays. and i know it's not much but i wanted to do SOMETHING to make it a little easier. so i had organized a big thanksgiving dinner at our place. we had about 17 people total. and it was CRAZY!!! but i think all the guys really enjoyed themselves. we had turkey, stuffing, potatoes, funeral potatoes, rolls, about a BILLION pies, and sparkling cider. then we put the game on in HD and after we played some PS3... i think it was a HIT... and it brought me alot closer to the guys that are going to be with Riley for the next 7 months :)

Boys.... Being Boys.. on our mock thanksgiving.

and then on Tuesday night, we found out that Riley was leaving Saturday night... and it all became so real. i wasn't ready for this, i needed more time, i didn't know how i was going to be able to let him go. i bawled for like an hour. and then the next morning i was kinda ready to just get it all done. we spent the next few days running a BILLION errands to go buy all the gear and stuff that he would need overseas.

i wont really go into too many details about the night he left, because it's a sore subject... but here's just a bit. i decided that i wanted to bring Deezul with us, so that Riley could have some more time with him. Dee had alot of fun, everyone thought he was the COOLEST pup ever and he got alot of attention. we were sitting on the hood of our car at one point and Dee was just sitting and watching people walk by, and this guy walks up to us and starts petting Deezul then comes and shakes our hands and starts talking to us... all i could see was that he had ALOT of black on his collar(the more black, the higher the rank)... and then Riley gives him the proper greeting "evening Sargent Major" YIKES..... guys that rank that high DON'T talk to guys as low as Riley... not normally, but i guess he really liked Deezul, he was asking all sorts of questions about him and then left after a few minutes and trying to reassure me that it was going to be o.k. Riley joked that he peed a little he was a bit out of his element haha.

Deezul, getting all the attention a pup could want.

when it came time to actually say goodbye, i just cried... hard and alot. we said goodbye and he went to the bus, and then Willis came up and gave me a huge hug and told me he'd bring Riley home to me. which of course made me cry MORE... so the bus left about 4:45am on sunday, i went home and was able to text Rye a little bit before his plane left. he then called me the next evening from the east coast on his layover. and then the next day from Europe, and then last night i was able to talk to him from somewhere in Asia, on his last stop before getting to his destination. we were able to Skype cause he had WIFI which was SOO amazing, we didn't have much to say at that point, but when there was nothing to say i just made dumb ugly faces at him :)

Saying Goodbye.

i'm doing o.k. everyone, i know we were all expecting the Sav-Zombie to emerge immediately like last year when he left for bootcamp... but i have been hanging out with Shaunci and Megan alot, and i've come to realize that i'm the one that is having to stay strong for everyone... so i'm trying to do as well as i can. i haven't cried since the night he left. i know it will hit me at some point and i will have my rough nights, i'm NOT denying that, i already know that will happen. but for now, he's safe... and i'm ok. it makes it easier for him if he's not having to worry about me. i didn't realize how much he WAS worrying about me until he told me he didn't sleep on a 10 hour flight because he was so worried. but as soon as he heard my voice and i actually sounded happy, he slept like a baby on his next 10 hr flight. so i'm going to be strong.. for him, and for the girls. Shaunci said i'm like that mom that is so strong for everyone else, but then when she's home in bed, she secretly cries. :) not yet, but i'm sure that WILL be me. and for those who keep telling me how strong i am... i'm not. don't make the mistake of thinking that i'm strong, i'm only doing what i NEED to do to survive these 7 months. i've made it through a few days already... so i'm trying to stay as positive as possible. i have an amazing husband, who loves me, for reasons i don't quite understand, he loves me. and he can't wait to hear my voice and come home to me.

Picture Taken on their layover in Maine.

Riley and Willis in Maine.

Please keep my husband and the rest of 2/3(his unit) in your prayers. and keep their families in your prayers... alot of them are really struggling with the separation. and also please pray for my Nephew Jaxon, he's now undergone his first Chemo treatment and is recovering so he can do another treatment in a few weeks.