Sunday, February 27, 2011

a nice big send off

well, tomorrow is the last day of February 2011... i have been sick since the 4th of this month... and am JUST barely getting back to my old normal self. i have a teeny cough left, but the drugs seemed to have kicked this thing's trash and i'm going to live :) YAY! in some ways i feel like a total and complete failure this month... i have done NOTHING to get skinny... however i've been REALLY sick, i tried to start doing "insanity" this last monday, and called Kat 5 minutes into it crying because i couldn't breath and couldn't stop coughing... i had to come to terms with the fact that just because i took my last day of medicine didn't mean that the Bronchitis was magically all gone.

i am getting to the part of this deployment where i kind of feel like there isn't enough time left.... i know that sounds ridiculous because the thing i want more than ANYTHING is for Riley to be home with me again. The way i see it there are 2 types of Marine wives during a deployment (again this could be military wide, but i'm not going to make assumptions)
the first is the Wife who's only goal is to "survive" the deployment, they pretty much would hibernate for __ months if it would make it go faster. they hate that their husband is missing everything, and try to minimize WHAT he misses. these are the wives who plan for the homecoming a MONTH after they leave, and already have their outfit either on hold or bought and try it on weekly in preparation

Then there is the OTHER type.. this is the wife who when their Bad-A husband leaves they make a list of things needing to be accomplished by the end of the deployment... some of these may be possible... others are a bit of a stretch, their list is sometimes WAAAAY too long to be able to accomplish everything on it within the time frame given. almost ALWAYS this wife wants to look WAAAY better than she does when he leaves upon his return. She's the one who looks at dresses for homecoming EVERY week (sometimes every night) hoping to find the perfect one and be able to order it 3 sizes smaller than she currently is. because of all the goals she must accomplish she's constantly out in the world, thus NOT being able to minimize what is being missed by her better half... but happy, because she knows he'd be proud of her, and happy that she's continuing to live her life.

if you haven't guessed yet, i'm the second wife (not Riley's second wife, WE'RE NOT POLYGAMISTS! gosh quit thinking that will ya!) but i'm the second TYPE of wife, i have a list as long as i am tall... and i seem to have bit off more than i can chew... i want SO badly for Rye to be proud of me, what i've accomplished, and the woman i have become in his absence. i have the goals of the second type of wife, but i fear if i don't accomplish them all to my expectations i will fall short and will have only survived this deployment... nothing more. When Lincoln was gone, and i was talking to Tiff all the time... i was SO proud of her, and envious... the girl became INSANE with fitness, and got down to MY goal weight... she is the same height and body type as i am, and i was extremely jealous of her... but i KNEW in my head that when Rye was gone and not here to distract me, i'd be able to do it as well... but so far i have NOT been able to do it.. i have NO idea how i was able to lose the 25lbs while he was in bootcamp... i need to get back on track though.. but i can't beat myself up over the blasted month of February... for me, this is the month of deployment i basically spent on bed rest and doped up.Tuesday signifies a new month... a month closer to my goals... a month closer to my best friend being back with me.

And if i'm not able to achieve what i SO BADLY want in the time left.. i won't give up.. and i know that my husband is so absolutely in love with me, that if he were to show up today, he'd think i was a babe.. even if i am wearing my "dating a vampire is a pain in the neck" shirt, and a pair of plaid boxers.. with eyeliner smeared across my face... he'd just hope i smelled better than i look :)

Friday, February 25, 2011

New Perspective

One year ago today, i was in San Diego California... with butterflies in my tummy, and shaking legs... it was warm outside, and i had a paper with a rundown of how the day was going to go. HOWEVER i had 2 BIG families all looking to ME to usher them around. i was kind of in charge of the day, and it added ALOT of extra stress... looking back, i would have organized it all a little differently...

About 1pm... i got to hug my husband for the first time in 3 months. i got to talk to him, for the first time in 3 months. i WOULD have gotten to kiss him for the first time in 3 months... however let's just say i got a little overly excited and smashed my forehead into his lip.. and it was fat and bloody :) so i didn't get my kiss until i said goodbye to him (which SUCKED!!) if you want to read my post about that day you can do so HERE

A ton of stuff happened since he graduated. if you've followed my blog at least somewhat that you pretty much know.

but here i am... I am now the wife of a deployed Marine, since we have been married i've always worked full time, and for the first time... i'm not. i know ALOT of the wives have judged me because i am a housewife, and i don't have kids... i've been told MULTIPLE times that i "don't do anything" and that if i get up early (which i do... everyday!) it's totally by choice so i don't have a right to complain if i am tired in the middle of the day. i don't fight back when this is said, cause i honestly DON'T care what these girls think of mine and my husbands "way of life" but JUST to give you a little perspective... here is how i spend my days when Riley is HOME

Depending on what time he has to be to work
  • Get up about 10 minutes before Riley(if he doesn't wrap his arms around me and beg me to just snuggle until he has to get up)
  • Find him socks, underwear, and either a clean set of cammi's or his green shorts and green shirt depending on what they are working out in that day.
  • Find him something small to eat before he goes to PT(work out) 
  • drive him to formation(driving in the morning puts him in a less than ideal mood for the rest of the day)
  • Drive home and get breakfast started (i refuse to have a microwave in my house, so it's usually eggs, or pancakes or turnovers)
  • throw dirty clothes in the washing machine (but don't start it yet)
  • Go pick up Rye from PT
  • While Rye showers, i find him a new set of Cammi's, socks and underwear
  • put his dirty ones in the washing machine and start it.
  • depending on how much time he has, sometimes i will sit and eat with him, other times he has to eat in the car when i take him back to work. 
  • come home after taking him back, clean up after breakfast, pick up around the house. 
  • shower
  • figure out what will be for lunch.
  • Get lunch started
  • Pick up Rye for lunch
  • Drop Rye off after lunch
  • Clean up after lunch, decide what to make for dinner (go to the store to get anything we need) 
  • Wait for Rye to get off work (sometimes i go to the gym during this period if he thinks i'll have enough time before he's off)
  • Get Rye from work, he then goes for a run, while i start dinner. he plays with Dee while i finish dinner.
  • We sit and eat together, i clean up after dinner, we usually take Deezul for a walk and then we watch a movie or tv in bed.
now that i'm not working, Riley does NOT have to do housework... thats pretty much my only job. the only thing i do ask is for him to take out the trash (which he's usually pretty good about)... so ya, you may say i don't do much... i don't answer phones or file paper work, or make sandwiches for people... instead, my ENTIRE day is devoted to my husband. you may think that sounds odd but here's my way of thinking.

Before when i WAS working, we would get off work from a 8-9 hour day, we'd head home while pretty much trying to "one up" each other on who had the worst day.. Now i am just here to listen fully to his day, the life of a boot is a hard one... once he gets back from this deployment things should get easier for him, as he'll no long be the total bottom of the food chain. When he first joined, his recruiter talked to me alot about how much his first year up until his deployment was going to suck. that he was going to hate his life, and if i didn't handle it correctly it would be extremely difficult on our marriage, he kinda told me what his wife had learned... and normally i get kind of irritated when people give me marriage advice, but the advice he gave me was AMAZING, and has done WONDERS on our marriage, bringing it from great to AMAZING! pretty much he told me that Rye was going to need me to just BE THERE when he got home, to let him complain about all of his higher ups, and NOT be surprised when his opinions of people changed drastically and rapidly. I needed to make home a place where he could NOT think about work and just focus on something non-military.

this year has been so good for our marriage, we've dealt with trials that i never expected when we got married all those years ago. however we've learned that when we're upset with something... to find a common enemy, INSTEAD of taking it out on each other. he's learned that just because one of his higher ups is harassing him and making him miserable, does NOT make it ok to be snappy with me.

so now i spend most of my days working on packages for Riley and "my boys" i'll blog a little later with a few "Crappy Sav Tutorials!" because i'm pretty much the LAST person to take crafting advice from :)

Here's to one year out of bootcamp :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

All This Time

STORY TIME!!!!!!!!!

Once Upon a time, there was a girl... and she wasn't a princess, or famous, or even really beautiful... just a plain ol' girl. Her husband signed the papers to join the military the first week of March... 2009, he left for bootcamp Dec 1st 2009... not long before he left for Boot, there was a song on the radio "All the Right Moves" it was their favorite. when he left, she didn't listen to the song for a few weeks, because she feared it would make his absence that much more prominent... about 3 weeks later she wrote him a letter with a few of the lyrics to the song, to brighten up his day. a week later she received a reply saying something to the likes of "I can't believe you sent me lyrics to that song! the same day i received your letter, i was JUST telling the guys earlier in the day that it was stuck in my head! it's like you're psychic"...
upon reading the letter, she decided she must download BOTH albums that the band had out... the newest one only having been released a month prior.She loved all their singles they had out, but had heard from friends that the album was just so-so.  it was instant LOVE, there was not a single song on either album that she didn't want to play on repeat for hours at a time, so she settled for playing nothing but those two albums for weeks. When she didn't have her Ipod in the car with her best friend and wanted to share her love, she told said best friend to download the song "all the right moves"... she refused... so our heroine proceeded to SCREAM at the top of her lungs the chorus of the song, about 20 minutes later she won the battle... the song was downloaded.

When her husband returned from his 13 week journey from Man to Marine, she feared he would not share her love of her new favorite band. She held off on his 10-day leave from pushing this band upon him. he soon left for his next journey to go from Marine to Bad-A Infantry Marine. Our Heroine drove 20 hours round trip every weekend to spend 1 1/2 days with her lover, on these weekends there was alot of driving... and also some with him in the vehicle as well, as it was a 30-40 minute drive from his training to the hotel, and then the driving around town... she cautiously turned on her new obsession, he didn't say anything. when common favorite was up, he was excited and turned it up... but that was about it. later at the hotel, they were getting ready to hop in the shower, She kept her i-home with her always, and they usually listened to John Mayer or Jack Johnson at shower time and sleepy time... she grabbed her ipod but was surprised when he yelled from the room "PUT ON THAT BAND!"... they'd been married long enough at this point, that just saying that was all the info she needed to know what "band" he was talking about. Soon, he knew almost as many words to the songs as she did. :)
fast forward to May
3 days before the Marine was told he was NOT going to be stationed in California, as previously told... they switched him and just a handful of others to no where else but Kaneohe Bay, on the island of Oahu in Hawaii... The heroine was STOKED, although a little sad that disneyland would not be a hop skip and a jump away, and that weekend trips to her dad's, grandparent's and in-law's would no longer be a possibility. The Marine understood this before she did... so he was not so pleased... however that weekend in the hotel, he came out of the bathroom from cutting his hair and played the song Good Life... (which was actually just released about a week ago on the radio) he came out singing, but with the words changed to reflect us moving to hawaii... and then he sang quiet loudly... "PLEASE TELL ME-E-E-E-E WHAT THERE'S TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!!!"  (which has since become her motto for her life)

Fast forward to December

The Girl in our story has been alone for quite some time... her Hero has been sent off to war, he's safe at the moment, but very far far away from home. He calls her one day and asks if she has her ipod, cause he accidentally stumbled upon a sad song, that brought tears to his eyes... she is at a friends and does not have hers. he says he'll try again later but she convinced him that she'll look up the song online.. he can't remember the name of the band but says it starts with an O (he's always been bad with names, especially celebrities, and bands) she can't figure out what O band he is talking about... so he tells her to look up the song "Come Home" they've heard the song a billion times...and sang along... but didn't really ever LISTEN to the words. She got teary eyed while on the phone with him, and said their goodbyes.

A few weeks later she learned that this amazing band would be performing in Honolulu a few weeks after her birthday. Tickets weren't much, but without her soul mate and fellow band obsess-ee she was unsure she should go without him. as it got closer she found a friend who was willing to go, they agreed to wait until payday to buy their tickets. The morning of the concert, our heroine remembered that they had FORGOTTEN to buy their tickets... knowing for sure that they would be sold out by now (as this is clearly the best band EVER) she was sad but vowed to make it a good day. While driving  she mentioned to her friend that it was the day of the concert. Her friend got all excited and said to check her IPhone for tickets... by some miracle they were NOT sold out yet. So they bought their tickets and got ready for the most anticipated concert of the year. They arrived early... but were still pretty far back in line. her friend laid out the plan of throwing up elbows to get to the front row, Our girl agreed but secretly knew there was NO WAY they were going to get somewhat close to this, her favorite band. they entered the venue after an hour in line, and still an hour until showtime, they wiggled there way as close as possible... and then spotted something that if they climbed over it, they would be within 3 people of the stage... so they did (little did they know that security was preventing anyone from doing this... so it must have been by divine intervention that they made it without a word said to them) The opener started... and 30 minutes later was done...they all expected the band to be up shortly... especially when the announcer came out and ANNOUNCED them... but they still had to wait almost another hour.... by the time they finally came out... Our girl and her friend were very front row, and feeling the buzz of excitement. The band played amazingly, the Guitarist was literally RIGHT in front of them, the frontman came to their side multiple times, grabbed their hand, pointed the two of them out, the Guitarist (who along with the frontman were the best looking 2) winked at the girls, smiled right at them, made eye contact, flicked our girls friend a pic, and of course grabbed their hands as well...

They left the concert, our Girl having now instilled a new obsession in her friend... smelling of sweat and desire, they headed to Denny's to come off of this concert high. Her husband will be jealous, but it was a once in a lifetime experience that she is oh so glad happened.

Right before the concert started.

if you click this and make it bigger, you'll see it's the setlist

Meet Zach, he's the guitarist/violinist... he's amazing

umm, ya, we were CLOSE!!!

literally rocking out 4 inches from me!

totally grabbed my hand!

The Guitar Pic Steph got!

best picture of the night... if i do say so myself.

this is when Zach came over to grab our hands, i tried to get a picture but was a little occupied.
One song in particular that they played hit a little close to home... it is the title of this post, and i would say it's one of my favorites by them... but seriously EVERY SINGLE SONG of there's is a favorite... not even exaggerating a little.

video
Please ignore the girl singing along... it was not Steph, nor I... i was simply in aww his voice in this song... and pretty sure Steph may have been crying :) just kidding, but the song is super sweet... and i LOVE his voice towards the end.
All This Time- OneRepublic

Six on the second hand till new year's revolutions
There's just no question what this man should do
Take all the time lost, all the days that I cost
Take what I took and give it back to you

All this time we were waiting for each other
All this time I was waiting for you
We got all these words, can't waste them on another
So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you

I don't know what day it is, I had to check the paper
I don't know the city but it isn't home
You say I'm lucky to love something that loves me
But i'm torn  as I could be wherever I roam

All this time we were waiting for each other
All this time I was waiting for you
Got all these words, can't waste them on another
So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you, yeah

Oh, running back to you
Oh, running back to you
Yeah

Oh, I would travel so far
I would travel so far
To get back where you are

All this time we were waiting for each other
All this time I was waiting for you
Got all this love, can't waste it on another
So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you
Straight in a straight line running back to you
Straight in a straight line running back to you
Straight in a straight line running back to you

Monday, February 21, 2011

Lost

I have this problem, i have let my "deployment goals" get away from me, i don't know how it happened... probably because i was trying to keep my head above water... before he left i had this list. of everything that would be accomplished by the time he came back home to me. but here we are, time is passing... and i'm still the same girl, not the new and improved Sav... maybe i set my hopes too high. I mean when he was at bootcamp i did EVERYTHING plus more... but then again i had Kat to motivate my butt into gear. i had no choice but to accomplish something. we pushed each other every single day. and we got everything that we needed done. the last few weeks i've been slacking because i've been really sick... but i really wanted to "start over" today... for a few reasons.... The one i AM able to share is well it's a monday... a special monday, and i finished my antibiotics yesterday, so i assumed i would be feeling well enough to start... however i am unsure of that now. i wanted to get up at 6 this morning and do "insanity" but it's now 8:30, i've been awake for 15 minutes... and i definitely feel the phlegm in my throat... but i am SO determine to be HOT when Riley gets home..... ok i think by blogging about this, i've given myself a small burst of moto... i am going to try and find my sports bra, and whip out some insanity this morning.... it'll be worth it right?! i still have ___ more weeks left to get HOT! i can totally do that.... right?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Holy Moley!!!

i realized this morning that this will make post  #129..... doesn't it seem like just yesterday i posted my happy 100... i thought so.. but i guess not. So here i am, yet again... if you have stuck with my crazy blogging, then THANK YOU! i am glad i could keep you at least SOMEWHAT entertained... my motto is that there is a story in EVERTHING that happens.. just ask Rye, it's rare that i don't come out of a public bathroom without some sort of experience (other than the normal sorts) Tonight's post will be no different.

So If we're facebook friends than you have seen that i have a new little "friend" at the house... Steph found her, she was bleeding on one paw and she almost hit her with her car (on ACCIDENT!) She scooped her up and brought her to her house.. her pups did NOT like this little girl, so the next day when we were over at wal mart i offered to keep her at my house until we could find who she belonged to. So she is now set up in my laundry room.. Her and Deezul haven't TOTALLY met yet. Dee is waiting and excited for when it happens, but she doesn't seem to keen on him yet. I decided to name her Alba while she is at my house, after Riley's celebrity crush Jessica Alba. So here is how the Convo with Riley about "Alba" went.

  • Me- Ryyyyyyyyyyye, how much do you love me
  • Rye- alot....... why, what do you want, or need or what did you DO???
  • Me- well, you see Steph found this critter, and she was hurt so steph brought her to her house, but her puppies terrified her so i brought her here
  • Rye- The fact that you said "critter" and not DOG means that it's a cat... so NO, get rid of it.
So pretty much... we'll hope i can find her family, if not, i'll find her a new home... but until then, she's a temporary Gardiner.
isn't she PRETTY!!! she has these clear green eyes.

between the washer and dryer. where Dee is too fat to fit.

Watching Deezul outside :)


Totally different subject! so we headed to Home Depot for a few things yesterday, as we pulled into the parking lot there was a Bum asleep on the home depot mini grass area... i made a joke about how nice it would be to nap on home depot's lawn, because they probably take really good care of it. we laughed about it and went about our shopping... about an hour later we came back out to the car to see an ambulance with it's lights on pulling into the parking lot... Steph joked it was probably for the bum that was on the grass.... then they stopped in front of the bum, got the stretcher out... and then proceeded to cover said bum up with sheets.... ya... the Bum was dead... So then Steph said i should feel bad about making fun of a dead body... and i replied back with "you wanna know the terrible part... this isn't the first time i've made fun of a sleeping bum only to find out they are dead".... i know i know, i am a TERRIBLE person, i'm working on that.

Jumping subjects yet again, so in my crafty mood lately i've been making more headbands/hair clips.. SO cute! don't worry i have pictures for you :) so here ya go!

This is Crochet thread... it took FOREVER to wrap.. just FYI

my flower made out of the same crap.

So cute right! yes i'm talking about my pigtails... uhhhhh

It needed a little something, so i added these beads.

these are just some cute little bobby pins i made.

Cotton Candy Head :) looks cute IN your hair i promise!

Stole this idea from Lauren, except hers is WAY cuter.

These ribbon's came from Kat's valentine to me.

i REALLY like this one... and i hope it looks cute in. i'll try for another pic

Friday, February 18, 2011

My Attitude

Some of you may be wondering to yourselves "how does Sav do it, how does she wake up every morning alone and have such a positive outlook"

To you i have two replies... the first being 1. my situation is not so bad, there are many people that are in situations far worse than mine. i remember that, whenever i am feeling bad for myself. I remember that somewhere else is a widow/single mother just praying to get through the day. or a woman who cannot stand the sight of her husband. there are many other people in far worse situations, however those 2 are the ones that usually come to my mind, yes i understand it's a bit extreme.

reason number 2... i wake up every morning (usually between 6:30 and 7) my alarm is set for 7:30, but other than when i'm sick, i am ALWAYS up and doing something by the time my alarm is going off in my room. the sun is just barely starting to lighten the inside of my room around this time, and i see this

i found this frame on one of my many Ross shopping trips. it originally said "the boys" and had a fake picture in there of a dad and his like 3 or 4 sons... however i liked how with the missing letter it just said, "the boy" there was another frame that was supposed to say "the girls" and i thought it would be perfect to take off the S and then i would have a cute fram for each of us... but that frame was missing like an "R" or something. But i get to open my sleepy eyes, and if Deezul's fat head isn't in the way, i get a look at my man. it's not my favorite picture of him, but when i got the frame it was the only extra one of him i had.

And because i promised earlier, here are some pictures of my flowers that Mr. Gardiner sent me :)

pretty huh!!

my frame, next to my arrangement :) gonna be nice to wake up to.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Be Mine

before i forget about this, there was a song on some random website, it was titled Be Mine, and was a "Robyn" cover by some Erik guy.. it was AMAZING, but itunes and youtube both have conspired to tell me it doesn't exist... it makes me sad.

I'm laying in bed(big surprise there) and decided while on hold, i should whip up a blog real quick.

Well the cats out of the bag.... I know what Riley got me for Valentines, and he knows what i sent him... problem being... neither of us have RECEIVED said gifts yet... he knows what i got him, because he stalks my blog like a creeper (love ya babe, but it's true) and IIIII know because it came out of our bank account already, and when it didn't show up on Tuesday.. i assumed that they would deliver it to me yesterday.. when that did NOT happen, and Riley called (FINALLY!! more to come on that later) he asked that i call and tell them i WANT MY PRESENT. i just BARELY got off the phone when them now, they found my order, and have NO idea why it wasn't delivered on Tuesday... felt so bad they upgraded it (pictures to come after expected delivery)

So you are probably wondering why the crap am i so lazy lately! i mean it seems like the entire month of February has been spent in bed for me... well thats because it pretty much has. I got Sick on Feb 4th, it is now the 17 and i am STILL sick. anyone that knows me knows that i ALMOST never get sick. i mean i've had our amazing military insurance for over a year now, and i have used it for the optometrist, and for ONE dr apt to see about getting a prescription (nothing was wrong though. I am that girl who when i am sick (like i am now) i just assume that i will get over it and don't worry about going to the Dr. That being said. When you have a NASTY cough for over 10 days, and instead of improving it's getting worse, and kinda changing... you should probably get checked out. Many people had told me that if i was still sick after 10 days and if i didn't get it taken care of, they were going to drag my butt to the ER themselves.

So Tuesday night was spent in the ER. Steph was sick as well and needed to be checked out (but that is a TOTALLY different story, and when SHE blogs about it, i will link her blog so you can all experience her adventure)

I walk in the ER and as the doors open my phone rings and it's Riley, so i chill outside for a min and talk to him, i let him know i'm at the ER but i'm fine, i have all my limbs intact(yes this is an actual fear being married to me. if any of you knew me right before Riley and i got together, i had to have my arm bones poked back through the skin and into my arm again. i almost chopped off 2 of my fingers with a hedgetrimmer, and the ER doc had to "poke" all my finger innards back in with a little stick) but apparently the phone on his end broke... so ALL he heard was "hey babe, i'm at the ER" i would have had a HEART ATTACK if i was him! so the phone went dead and i went back inside to check in., they took me right back to check me in. They get all my military info and right after that, the Doc takes me back and takes all my vitals (1st off, the pulse machine thingy said my pulse was dangerously low so the Dr grabbed my finger to try and warm it up, and was surprised when my finger wasn't cold :) ) he did the thing you always see on tv with the stethoscope when they put it at like every point of your back and listen while you take deep breaths (ok most of you probably don't think this is very cool.. but keep in mind, i have NOT been to the Doc unless i'm like on my death bed... and i don't think EVER for a "cold" so they never really do that) after my deep breathing apparently my pulse was more normal. however he wanted to get a chest xray done immediately. i asked him WHY i needed one and he just told me that he heard some stuff that he wants to get checked out.

So i head down the empty hallways following a map on my 8.5x11 paper... following the dots to the little X marked "radiology" i get back there.. most of the lights are off... so i have to pick up this little phone and tell whoever answers that i was sent back here. She meets me and then asks if i'm wearing a bra...........have you seen me? i can't exactly pull off the "no bra" look without looking like a belong in a run down wal mart. she tells me i have to take it off.. plus my jacket has a zipper, and my tank top has little plastic adjustment clips.. so it ALL has to go. so i am given a gown. we go into the Xray room and she asks if there is a chance i could be pregnant, to which the Smart Ass in me replies "well, my husband has been deployed to Afghan for X months now, so IF i am, we are dealing with an immaculate conception here!" she didn't think i was funny and pressed on with "So is that a yes?"

this part of the story IS pretty funny, and was probably the highlight of my night. So the girl is positioning me at the xray thingy(never had a chest xray before.. just FYI) she takes the first picture and then stands there and "hmmmmmmmm"'s for what seems like FOREVER. then she VERY awkwardly tells me
"I don't know how to put this, but your breasts are large, and they are blurring the xray machine... so we are going to try and do this another way" IMMEDIATELY following this statement, 4 more guys in army uniforms enter the room to "oversee" HA... ok. i told this to Kat and she gave me the best news of my life! that i ACTUALLY have a super power.. i can stop an xray machine with my chest!

i went back to the waiting room while they got my xrays printed, then they took me back, and examined me some more. apparently the first Doc could hear Bronchitis in me (i assume during his 25 point stethoscope inspection) they did the Chest Xray because my Bronchitis is really bad and he had feared it had turned into pneumonia. Had i waited a few more days without treating my bronchitis i was told twice that it would most likely have turned into pneumonia. i started with an upper respiratory viral infection, and because untreated it evolved into my current state which is bronchitis. They gave me all sorts of good drugs, and i was on my way! (except i had to continue to sit in the hospital until Steph was released as well)

So pretty much you'll all have to deal with my "bed rest" rants for another week. and hopefully the drugs do their job and i'll be back on the streets in no time (that really sounded like i just stated that i work the streets didn't it)

So a week ago, was really the last time i REALLY heard from Rye, then their phones were down, and then on Valentines day his entire 7 min valentines call was spent explaining the Joke that SOMEONE thought was funny. and then our ER call that was extremely short and not comforting... so last night Riley heard that the phones were fixed and apparently he RAN to call me. he sounded SOO relieved to hear my voice, he told me that all he heard was that i was at the ER, and then the phones broke and they told Riley they weren't sure when the phones were going to get fixed. then he was away all day and didn't have a chance to try and sneak a call to check on me. all the guys told him i was probably fine, and it wasn't a big deal, to which he replied with "when you've been with someone for 8 years, and they go to the ER... and you can't be with them and you don't know whats wrong with them. ya, that's a big deal".. i gave him the rundown on the ER, he was really glad i went so they caught it. and i thought it was adorable how worried about me he was :) but then he said something that just broke my heart... the guys told him i was going to be fine.. so he told them that our nephew went to the doctor with stomach pains, and left a few days later with a stage 4 cancer diagnosis.

So i understand his worry, it's a crappy situation for both of us, he doesn't get to know what goes on with me every minute of everyday.. and i don't get someone to take care of me.But i have a husband who loves me more than anything in the world (even if i'm not always worthy of it) and i have awesome friends! and i love my life... even if currently it is just being spent in bed.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Ha.....ha..............ha..... not funny

Well it is still technically Valentines day, so i am going to make this quick, cause i would really like to get some sleep before my possible phone call early in the morning. Today was nothing exciting, i got up around my regular time, Skyped with Kat, made Steph a hand made valentine (took me a few hours) and some other little crafts. She was told she was getting a delivery and needed to be home for it, so she patiently waited and waited, and around 4-5 pm, gave up and came over... we'll try again tomorrow on the delivery :) I was really in a fantastic mood all day, i was taking the day on like a real champ... and i was SOO proud of myself.

HOWEVER, all good things must come to an end i suppose... One of "My Boys"... although i'm sincerely thinking about temporarily revoking his status as such. Decided that today would be the perfect day to pull a practical joke on me... let's just say, he started out with this story about how my husband was having such a hard time staying awake on post, and as his team leader he was worried about the situation... because some of the guys had given him Dip(chew tobacco) to keep him awake..and desperate to stay awake on post (it is absolutely imperative) he started using the dip. it's a recent thing, but he was really worried about the situation and wondered if i would talk to him, and apparently THAT is the reason he hadn't called me in DAYS, was because of the situation... in this idiot Marines defense... he DID have a good story and a very good set up.. as well as the most gullible girl in the world.80% of me was telling myself "THIS IS RYE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, HE WOULD NNNEEEEVER TOUCH THE STUFF!!!!" while the other 20% was saying, "ya, but if he was falling asleep on post and was unable to stay awake, MAAAAAAAYBE" and stupid ol' me, let my 20% take over my mind for about an hour... ya, imagine this.. i'm sitting on the couch... wondering where my good mood went, thinking about how my husband is no longer the man he's always been, he's changed... he's no longer the good example for the other Marines... they are going to think that ALL Mormon's have a breaking point when it comes to our "rules"

About 90 minutes after i first had the "conversation" i had just about had enough of the day and was going to drown myself in a bubble bath. while in the bath, my phone rang with that magical number that tells me it's Rye.... and as i always REALLY knew in my mind... it was all a joke, all the guys (except Rye) thought it would be funny to try and get him in trouble.. why? i have absolutely no idea.. luckily if you read my conversation with stupid face Marine, i handled myself VERY well and quite professional.. reading back, i'm a little impressed with myself.. given the fact that i had tears in my eyes... (YES STUPID FACE, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY THE FIRST ONE TO MAKE ME CRY ON THIS DEPLOYMENT... I HOPE YOU ARE PROUD OF YOURSELF. NOT MANY TEARS... BUT TEARS NON THE LESS)

I really wish i wasn't so gullible, Riley's dad had me convinced that for this knee procedure Riley's mom had to get, they were going to do it rectally... now i'm not stupid... but i've never had a knee scope.. and he told me if they do it rectally, it doesn't leave a scar(makes sense) ya.. about a month later in the car i asked Rye about it.. and he pretty much had to pull over he was laughing so hard... his dad will now NOT let me forget about it.. and anytime anyone has ANY procedure done, he jokes to me about how it's done rectally...

So this has definitely been a Valentines day that will be remembered... and now i am planning my revenge... cause you BETTER believe i'm going to get him back. he's going to rue the day he ever messed with Savannah Gardiner!!!! buahahhahahahahahahaa

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentines Day!

I know that this time last year i was quite bitter with the world, and showing much HATE on this day of love. However, in case you haven't noticed, i've had a bit of an attitude change from last year. I suppose that could be partly due to the fact that i know my husband keeps up on my blogs and the last thing i want is for him to be worrying about me. Either way, attitude is EVERYTHING. and it is making a world of a difference.

A year ago this morning, i was standing in the Steven's kitchen melting jolly ranchers and then forming them into hearts to go on top of our mini creme brulee... Kat was at one burner and i was at the other.. let's just say her's turned out SO CUTE, and we ended up calling mine "hate hearts"... wanna see? ok :)

My candy's are on the left, Kat's on the Right.

This is after i burnt mine...

my beautiful "hate hearts"

Kat's AMAZINGLY cute hearts!

The creme brulee's about to be cooked.


Kat was my Valentine last year, and she was the perfect Valentine if i couldn't have Rye. This year, my valentine is 50 lbs and currently has his wrinkled face resting on my thigh in bed sleeping so peacefully. He may not have gotten me anything for this Valentines, and he won't do anything special for me (in fact he'll probably piss me off at some point today). But he is mine. he's filling in for my normal Valentine, who at this current moment i assume is either sleeping(fat chance but a girl can hope!) or probably standing post or out on patrol... his Valentines day will be over in an hour and 15 min, So i pray that it was a better valentines day for him than last year was.

i spent ALOT of time on his Valentines day box, so i REALLY hope it got to him in time (i sent it 4-5 weeks ago) i've kept everything in that box a secret cause i didn't want to "give away" the secret if he read this before he got his box. but i haven't talked to him in a while, so there is no way to tell if he got his box in time... but i am going to share some pictures of what i included in there, let's just say i put ALOT of hours into this box.

Started with 2 mini candy canes

cooked them for like 90 seconds then pinched together at the seams

melted white chocolate, poured in and decorated with sprinkles
Then wrapped them in clear plastic
Decorated a little box to keep them safe during their travels
So Cute huh!!!
That was my favorite part of the box... So i REALLY hope that by the time Rye has a chance to read my blog he has gotten the box already. i personalized the suckers for "my boys" and then added a bunch of extra's for boys not in the "my boys" category. I hope that i packaged them good enough that hopefully they won't be totally broken, cause i think i might cry.

So i have a song for the day :) YAY... i have recently fallen in love with the sound of Josh Kelley's voice, i put it in the john mayer, The script, jack johnson category of music, so Riley will probably like him. anyway i heard this song last night (or i should say i paid attention to the lyrics last night) and it's totally my song of the day. it's more of a "homecoming" song. I really like it though!

(i couldn't find a SINGLE video on youtube to this song... but click this and you can hear it.


Find more artists like Josh Kelley at Myspace Music

And of course, as always, the lyrics.

"Faces"

I like the faces you make at me
When we're lying in bed
They are always so beautiful
I like the way you tuck your body close to me
When we're sleeping it's all right

[CHORUS]
Dream your fears away
And I'll be here all day
Dry your eyes
'Cause I'm here to spend
This moment in your arms again

The forecast calls for rain to take away the day
I guess we'll just have to stay
Inside the room
I'll bring your breakfast warm to wake you
From your dream
As I lift your head upright

[CHORUS]
Dream your fears away
And I'll be here all day
Dry your eyes
'Cause I'm here to spend
This moment in your arms again

And so good love
The day between us comes and goes
So soon and so magical
You bring the lock
I'll bring the key to set you free
As I lay your body down

[CHORUS]
Dream your fears away
And I'll be here all day
Dry your eyes
'Cause I'm here to spend
This moment in your arms again

This moment now
This moment now...
This moment in your arms...
This moment in your arms again

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Bed Rest Adventures

So as you all know, i've been EXTREMELY sick all week... yesterday i woke up and felt ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!! so i was an idiot and WAAAAAY overdid myself.. so here i am, Sunday morning, without enough strength to get out of bed and cook me some food (although my stomach is CLEARLY telling me that i must do so SOON, or risk death.) I just got off a Skype call with Kat, we've skyped everyday now this week, i know i've said this before, but skype is the best invention EVER!!! and i am having a Skype date with Lauren a little later and we are having a craft night (via skype) so excited!

So i'm laying in bed skyping with Kat this morning, When Deezul walks in, and has that look in his eye like "WE HAVEN'T PLAYED IN FOREVER, AND YOU'RE THE MOST BORING MOM IN THE WOOOOORLD!!!" So i lured him onto the bed, and we began to have an intense wrestling match while on skype. he is so fricken smart! he likes to attack my feet under the covers, so i'll kick him over and over in the mouth (not HARD, just enough to get in his way and but the crap out of him) and he'll flip out, grab the blanket with his teeth and PULL so he can uncover my feet and get me back... we went at this for a good 15 minutes, then he began panting beyond control, so i told him to go get some water... and now he is PASSED OUT on the bed. man i should have been doing this all week! i forgot how exhausted he gets after playing for a while like that. and now that i'm feeling ALOT better (i think tomorrow i can give living in the real world another shot) i think i'll have to take him on a big long Walk. he needs it.

when they say that Dog is man's best friend, i THOUGHT i understood what they meant by that... but i think until you are the spouse of a deployed marine, you don't FULLY grasp it. anybody that really KNOWS me here, will tell you that they can't imagine me without Deezul. i take him everywhere. i'll be out to dinner with Steph or over at Sam's and say something about being excited to go home and snuggle with Dee. he's my baby boy, he's got more personality than i thought possible in a dog. he is spoiled, and i'll fully admit that. but he's also really well behaved... if only we could break the "jumping up" habit (i'm working on it i SWEAR!!!)

When i have to go long periods of time without talking to Rye, i think i would lose my mind if i didn't have him. Riley is afraid that Dee won't remember him when he gets home... Deezul whines and howls to Riley's ringtone... i have every confidence that those two will pick off where they left, Rye will see the amazing personality that has started to show in Dee... They'll become best friends, and until next deployment... i'll be the third wheel.... ya probably... we'll see.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Death Death, Misery and Despair

Ok, so i have no idea where this title comes from! i always assumed it was a famous line from something, but upon trying to "google" said phrase, it came up with NOTHING... so if any of you know what it's from, lemme know... cause now i'm a little curious.

Superbowl sunday i started feeling a tickle in my throat, in the morning when i chatted with Rye he mentioned that i sounded as though i was getting sick. I thought i might be... but was still at that point where your voice could just be scratchy from sleeping... well, it. wasn't. from. sleeping. here i am on FRIDAY at my worst! i have sounded like a man all week, but until yesterday i didn't really FEEL sick, i was sleepy and assumed my body wanted to sleep to get better so i did my best to sleep (alot)... but that wasn't enough i guess... yesterday i started getting the mucus cough, before it was just a scratchy cough, but yesterday it hit pretty hard and i was hacking up all sorts of crap. then last night at the "spouses round table meeting" i started feeling really warm towards the end, the door was open and there was a nice breeze and it wasn't hot outside cause the sun was already down. and after driving, picking up Steph and getting home, i realized i still felt hot, so i had Steph check my face (she's a medical assistant ya know :) ) and sure enough i wasn't making it up! i searched all over my bathroom for a thermometer but i couldn't find one, so i don't know my exact temperature... sorry.

i started getting light headed and having cold chills... and that was pretty much my night. i went to bed thinking that i had just been through the worst of it... and then i woke up.

for me to walk from my bed to the back door to let Deezul out (about 30 ft) i got so light headed i almost fell over TWICE. my chest is FILLED with mucus, and with EVERY cough it just comes right out. Marilyn has already informed me that if i'm not better by Monday she's forcing me to go to the doctor's... Now i've been a Marine wife for 14 months now... and i have NEVER been to a military doctor, i hear all these horror stories like "i was slicing tomatoes, when all of a sudden my LEG FELL OFF, so we rushed to the E.R. (military of course) and they made me sit in a corner on the FLOOR and wait for 13 hours, and THEN they told me that if i had been treated before 12 hours, that my leg would have been saved... but now i have this peg."

ya, makes you want to take your chances with some dayquil and God's plan. there are a few things i NEED to see our on base dr's about, but i just can't bring myself to do so.. i think i need someone to do it with me, so i am not sitting in an office for 2 days waiting for them to tell me that i'm retarded and shouldn't have come in in the first place.

but for now, i would settle for some puffs plus (with lotion) and some chicken noodle soup! (either the progresso, or the kind that costco makes and sells in the big container... or Steph could make me her homemade that she's been RAVING about... but she said it's a two day process... and i may be DEAD by the time she'd finish)

But i don't have a husband to take care of me, i can't sit and cry that i don't feel good while my head is in his lap (yes i am NOT making this up... every time I'm sick i usually start crying that i don't feel good... or when cramps come around, ya it's the same thing.) And i can't call any of "my boys" to bring me what i need, cause they are all with Rye... i kinda feel abandoned at this point. i know i still have the girls on base, but seriously, none of them have seen me at my most vulnerable... i'm a tough girl, and when it comes to crying and just needing someone to hold my head on their lap and let me cry... if i can't have Rye, i'd really like Lauren or Kat to be around. cause Deezul is useless... he's asleep and snoring right now.. oblivious to the fact that if i DIE, who will feed and spoil him... idiot puppy.

wow... reading over this post... THIS is the passion i've been missing from my blog lately.. i think a sliver of zombie Sav has emerged over the past few months, and while i'm handling this deployment like a CHAMP, i am still a little distant... probably for fear of having too much passion for anything i might break down and have to rebuild from SCRATCH. either way, i'll feel better in a few days.. in just enough time to celebrate another deployment milestone :)

So Remember that time i turned 23?!

ok so this post was originally written at 11pm on my birthday, but i fell asleep right before hitting the post button... so here it is :) a few days late.


Ok, so it is still my birthday for 1 more hour... crazy thing is... in one hour, i will have been awake for over 20 of the 24 hours of my birthday.. ya, it's been a looooong day! So here's the rundown :)

Sunday 7pm- Steph gets off work
8pm- Almost to the Army base on the other side of the island to get my hair cut and colored.
Monday- 12:30- Steph realizes it's my birthday and tells me happy birthday!
1:15am- Rye calls, hoping to wake me from mid sleep to harass me about getting old :)
2:30-ish- hair is done, start shooting the breeze (ya, at 2:30 in the A.M.)
3:30- leave army base, head back home!
4:15- CRAWL into bed with Deezul and try to get a little sleep!
7:37 am- wake up and start cleaning the house..
7:37-11 am... - answer multiple "happy birthday calls"
noon-5:30 - ran around town trying to get everything i needed for my party.. then got stuck in traffic.

needless to say it was a HECTIC day, full of me yelling at stupid nimitz for having that HUGE center median throughout the entire city so you can only turn into business's on YOUR side of the road... i hate that road.

A bunch of girls showed up though and it was alot of fun! but by the time everyone left, i was MORE than ready to crash in my bed for a good long time!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Affair

I was chatting with Kat a few minutes ago, cause i just got her birthday/valentines box to me :) AMAZING! first of all! check out my valentine!
i had to unlatch the 3 red squiggly's

And it unfolded to this!

She put a pair of hand made earrings in each box for me!
I was SOOO impressed! and i LOVED it!

Anyway during the conversation i mentioned that i stayed up super late to paint my hallway last night, and was expressing my concerns about colors to her. And then i proceeded to tell her probably the best story of the day.

So the time is about 11:00p.m. i've been painting for a few hours now, i'm just about done, and getting ready to go rinse out my brushes. for the past 3 hours i've had my I-home in the hallway with me listening to the audio book of "I Am Number Four" (which by the way is pretty good so far) i have it up loud enough that i can hear the narrator without straining and trying to paint quietly, but it's not super loud! when my phone goes off with a text... from my upstairs neighbor.. reading as followed "I don't know WHO you have over, but could you tell him to keep it down"

How exactly was i supposed to respond to a text like that? "yes, i am having an affair with a man who has LITERALLY not shut up for the past 4 hours... hasn't even taken a breath!" or explain myself and SEE if she believes me? "oh i don't have a man in my apt, i'm listening to an audio book and painting." either way i laughed really hard. so i was talking to Kat about this, and i mentioned that IF i was to cheat on Riley i would be smart to find a man who sounds IDENTICAL to the man with the really deep voice on my audio book. we laughed about this, and then i mentioned that i will put facebook status's about going to the gym, some are like "Oh Gym, i haven't seen you in a while.. how bout tomorrow when the sun goes down" or "Oh Gym, our affair is hot and steamy, and i haven't been this sore in months." HAHA ok, they don't read EXACTLY like that.. but you get the point. well wouldn't it be sad and horrible if i really DID have an affair with a guy named Jim, but i didn't feel guilty because TECHNICALLY i wasn't keeping it a secret. we laughed about this...

The Kat told me she thinks i'm physically incapable of cheating.... ya, probably true. Even the THOUGHT of something like that makes me feel sick to my stomach. i would be the WORST woman in the world to have an affair with, cause i'd always talk about Rye, and how much fun we have. plus, thinking about breaking Riley's heart like that would ALONE be enough to keep me from doing that... so don't worry blog stalkers, my marriage is rock solid, even if my neighbor and some facebook friends may think otherwise :)

Friday, February 4, 2011

ACCOMPLISHED!

Just like my title suggests, i have actually accomplished something! WOOOO (and the crowds go wild for Sav!!!)

Before i continue on with this post, i just want to throw in here that i'm sitting on my couch with Deezul snuggling watching New Moon... and Edward just left and she's all in her little zombie mode.. The book totally makes me cry every time... but i really like how they portrayed it in the movie as well (much less craptastic than the first one)... except her screaming in her sleep is....awkward, and really who wakes up screaming in their sleep because they realize they are chasing "nothing"...

NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULAR PROGRAMMED BLOG!

So i don't know if i have posted about what i have named "Mold Bathroom"... pretty much, on base housing sucks. as my brother pointed out today on the phone, i am facing FAR more dangerous things than my amazing husband. In the housing we are living in, we not only have BLACK MOLD, we also have lead paint... i face death EVERY DAY while he is away, breathing in CLEAN AIR... just thought i'd point that out. anyway, i have tried EVERYTHING to make this mold go away, bleach, vinegar, special cleaners, the magic eraser... nothing works.. and it looks something like THIS!



Ignore my mess.... it's my ONLY bathroom.

ok, so it was REALLY gross and bad... so i mentioned to my awesome Father in Law that i was painting. He liked the idea and thought it would be good for me to do a project or something to keep busy (little does he know i have about 30 half done projects around the house :) ) He proceeded to tell me how i need to do the proper PREP work for this paint job, repeating the motto of "the key to a really good paint job, is a good prep job" convincing me to sand down the current crappy paint job and tape everything properly, unscrew all the rods from the wall... yadda yadda yadda... I told HIM that every time they paint these apt's they never do the proper prep job, so if i was to do that now, it wouldn't make a difference, because there are probably 18 layers of paint on the walls.. he didn't care and told me to do the proper work..

and THIS is when i'm glad i live across the ocean :) cause he had NO way to make sure i was doing it the "right" way. now i DID learn my lesson from my "chalkboard" paint project, so i KNEW that putting tape down was an absolute must. but i don't like the sound of sand paper, and i didn't feel like unscrewing the things from the wall.. so i did a "Sav version" of the prep... once again, i know that Riley will notice that i only painted behind the toilet as far as people will actually see, and there is paint in spots it shouldn't be, but EH, overall i was pretty proud.. here is SAV'S prep work.


Yes, i used Tin foil and tape to guard what i didn't want painted... i decided it looked like i was protecting my bathroom from an alien invasion... as long as they were they aliens from signs.

Steph stopped by after i had started painting the first wall and helped me finish the first coat of paint. took about an hour and a half or so... then the directions said wait 4 hours and paint a 2nd coat.... Steph had class and had to take off... and knowing me... i only waited a little over 3 hours and did the 2nd coat... finished it while listening to the audio book of "i am number 4"... decided to peel off the foil and tape, and guess what...

Steph was right and i am SO glad i decided to paint! i was planning on painting a long time ago, but just never did it. i am so excited to finish decorating it! here are the "after" pictures, but before decorating.



it kinda looks purple in the pictures, but it's a light blue. YAY!!! next up is the hallway :) and possibly my bedroom.

on a totally separate note, this morning as i headed inside from picking up Steph from her graveyard shift, i was walking down my few steps, and for some reason this spot on the wall caught my attention.
and closer up

That boy's and girls, is a mud print of my husbands muddy BUTT! buahaha, he had to PT in the mud and rain a way long time ago, and when he got home from PT (workout) i made him mostly undress outside since i had JUST mopped and swept... so he leaned against the wall to take off his boots and this spot was made. when i ran the hose through the living room and out my front door to wash it... the whole area flooded.. if you remember right! haha so after that i just kinda forgot about the spot... until today, and now i kinda want to leave it, i mean i remember that morning like it was last week, and i feel like it's one mess of Riley's i should be allowed to keep until he gets back. :)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Picture to Burn

My sister Brittany calls me everyday, it's something i can count on without a doubt. some days i am way to busy to talk, or she can only talk for like 2 minutes... but the conversation happens. i get all the family gossip, the gossip from her work.. and she hears some of my most random stories that no one else does, since Rye is gone. We didn't get along growing up... we were at each others THROATS. She once chased me around the house with a steak knife and told me she was going to kill me... ya, mom and dad didn't believe me when they got home.. she also turned the dryer on once when i was hiding in there for a high stakes game of hide and go seek. Pretty much almost died in order to win that game.

But when i REALLY needed her, she was always there...usually :) this may surprise you (HA) but i got dumped ALOT in high school. Shocked aren't you... HAHA. and more than once it was because i had "rules" and when i wouldn't bend on my moral standards, i had no value anymore... ya i could sure pick em :) There was this Boy that i met when i was 10, and had the BIGGEST crush on him... but so did about a billion other girls. and then i moved when i was 12, and i assumed that i would never again hear from this boy. For reasons i've never understood, he really liked me, and kept in touch with me. We e-mailed, talked on long distance phonecalls for HOURS(this was back in 2000 so before we all had cell phones) and we chatted on AIM. We kept up our normal lives, and we both had boyfriends/girlfriends, but it was understood that one day when we got old, we were going to get married and be together forever. i visited my hometown alot since my dad still lived close. so i saw him quite a bit, and we fell more and more in love. At the age of 14 everyone of my friends KNEW about "boy" and knew that we were completely in love, and we were one of those classic couples that would go down in history. my 8th grade year was normal, i was BOY CRAZY, with ALOT of boys in school, i still talked to "boy" he had lots of girlfriends too.. we were best friends during the year, and then resumed our romance during my summer visits. summer of 2002, we spent ALOT of time together and i was more and more convinced that we were perfect for eachother, never mind that he was hardcore punk, and i was "preppy" that i listened to backstreet boys and nsync, while he preferred screamed lyrics that made your ears bleed. or that he had no problems with weed and that sort of stuff, and i had been taught from a young age to SAY NO!... none of that mattered... cause i was 14 and knew EVERYTHING about love and life.

Then freshman year started, and with that i decided to start writing "our story" i spent HOURS writing down every detail from every moment we'd spent together, and most conversations down to a T. I even had my exact outfits recorded. i had two complete notebooks FILLED. I was SO proud of these, as i was planning on one day showing our children (now that i look back... it's kind of creepy sounding). Sometime during this year, the calls from "boy" started slowing down, when we did talk, he'd put alot of interest into the boys i was seeing, and i was Delusional enough to think that he was jealous, and was worried i was slipping away... not the case. the closer we got to my summer visit, the odder things got... we had an unspoken agreement that when the summers came, we belonged to each other.. not other people from school, we didn't date close to summer. my trip got closer and closer and he kept talking about "her". To make a long story short, i showed up and spent 2 weeks with my best childhood friend, having a BLAST, except for when "boy" was mentioned.. we didn't really speak after the first time we ran into each other and all he said was "HEY, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER" and gave me an awkward hug... then introduced me to "her"... we didn't talk the rest of my trip until the night before i left, he asked if i could stop by his house the next morning, cause he had a present for me. And the way he spoke to me brought back every flood of memories, he hadn't talked to me like that in a LOONG time. i got up extra early and made sure i looked perfect. said goodbye to my best friend, and hopped in my sisters car. I had to ask if she would stop by "boy"'s house real quick, and it started a screaming match between us cause we had a 4 hour drive ahead of us. but she gave in, and said she would wait in the car and if i was longer than 10 minutes, she would leave me... (which didn't sound so bad if "boy" was still in love with me).. I knocked, his dad said he was back in his room, and i could head on back there. I opened his door, and immediately regretted it.. i had walked in on a PG-13 scene involving the boy i thought was going to be mine. i turned around to leave and he followed me out and acted like nothing happened... handed me a cd he made me, gave me a quick hug and said "see ya next summer". i walked down the stairs from his apt trying to keep it together, got in the jeep, apologized to my sister for the un-needed stop and told her to drive... FAST.

She wouldn't move the car until i explained what happened... but the way the day had gone i was expecting her to give me a big fat "well no duh he doesn't love you!!! look at you!!!" but she didn't, she listened to the entire story, and then pulled into the town's dairy queen and introduced me to my now favorite treat "arctic slush float" she put on her favorite break up cd (i think it was a cassette tape) of Alanis Morsette, and just let me cry for most of the 4 hour road trip.

I went back to Utah, and didn't want to tell anyone what had happened. i had been given the biggest form of rejection i could possibly imagine. I told them BITS of the story, but all they needed to know was that "boy" was gone, and i didn't want him to be brought up again. occasionally i would sit in Lauren's room and cry about how i would NEVER find anyone as perfect as him, and i was never going to be happy again... boy was i WRONG! i met Riley on a blind date that fall... that's where OUR story began, we didn't really start dating until the next summer and the more we dated, the more i realized that "boy" was a TERRIBLE match for me, he didn't really like anything about what made me, ME! i was constantly the butt of his jokes... where as with Riley we were ALWAYS laughing, but not AT each other, it was always WITH each other... something that was refreshing and amazing. i've never had to question if i was going to be with him forever, I met the love of my life when i was 15. and fell in love with him during my first summer romance with someone other than "stupid boy" if you read my blog, you know OUR story, so i won't write it all again. i'll link it HERE.

The point of this whole story is this. My sister is AMAZING, she's always there for me when i really need her, and i'm constantly trying to do the same for her. We may have hated each others guts, but i'm really grateful that she's my older sister. i know without a doubt that God knew what he was doing when he stuck the two of us together.


I had a really good friend Lincoln (who is now married to my amazing friend Tiffany, who i also grew up with). After the situation with "boy" he was one of the few people that knew everything, and so one night when i was moping around and whining to him, he walked down to my house from his up the hill. and convinced me to BURN every picture of "boy" and Me, as well as my notebooks.. took some convincing, but i grabbed my box full of CRAP, and headed to my back porch. It was one of the sweetest things a friend has ever done for me, he let me tell the story behind the pictures, and then he'd take the lighter and BAM it was gone! he convinced me that he wasn't worth being upset about.. secretly i think Lincoln was just a bit of a pyromaniac.

I've only seen "boy" once since the "incident"... i was briefly dating his best friend (he was a LOOONG time family friend, so it was less creepy!) anyway, it was awkward, and horrible, and i HATED every moment, needless to say i didn't date his friend for long... i went back to Utah for the very last time ever. and 3 weeks later i started going "steady" with Riley... and i've never once regretted it, or thought twice about the decision.

there are a billion experiences that have made me who i am today, into the wife of a Marine, the wife of a Grunt, The wife of my better half and soul mate. there are a billion things that have shaped him, and who he has become... Riley didn't have to learn lessons by dating and getting dumped.. i was his first and ONLY girlfriend... (other than a quick middle school romance). But being his only, i was ashamed of my past, and of the guys i had dated, and the fact that i HAD dated before him. i know it sounds like a stupid thing to be ashamed of, but i was. And he didn't really help this, because i think he hated the fact that i had ever dated before him more than i did. This past year though, i have decided to EMBRACE my past, because without it, and without all the mistakes i made, i probably wouldn't have been Ready to jump head first in with Rye.

I refuse to regret my past. Because i don't ever want to look back on 'Now' and regret it later. there is no point. I have the most AMAZING Husband, and in-law's. I love my older sister to death, and look forward to our daily chit-chat. I adore my 3 younger siblings, and can't believe how brilliant they all are. I have 2 parents who love me sooo much, and just want me to be happy. and i have the most wonderful stepmom who texts me at LEAST once a week. bottom line, i am one blessed girl. I'm glad it's February, but i don't regret January or December or any other month i've had to spend without my other half. because like "boy" they have shaped me into the woman i am becoming, and i'm pretty proud of the result.

I Love You so much Cute Bum, Stay Safe and come home to me... but above all else.

Look Unto Christ in Every Thought, Doubt Not Fear Not.