Death Death, Misery and Despair

Ok, so i have no idea where this title comes from! i always assumed it was a famous line from something, but upon trying to "google" said phrase, it came up with NOTHING... so if any of you know what it's from, lemme know... cause now i'm a little curious.

Superbowl sunday i started feeling a tickle in my throat, in the morning when i chatted with Rye he mentioned that i sounded as though i was getting sick. I thought i might be... but was still at that point where your voice could just be scratchy from sleeping... well, it. wasn't. from. sleeping. here i am on FRIDAY at my worst! i have sounded like a man all week, but until yesterday i didn't really FEEL sick, i was sleepy and assumed my body wanted to sleep to get better so i did my best to sleep (alot)... but that wasn't enough i guess... yesterday i started getting the mucus cough, before it was just a scratchy cough, but yesterday it hit pretty hard and i was hacking up all sorts of crap. then last night at the "spouses round table meeting" i started feeling really warm towards the end, the door was open and there was a nice breeze and it wasn't hot outside cause the sun was already down. and after driving, picking up Steph and getting home, i realized i still felt hot, so i had Steph check my face (she's a medical assistant ya know :) ) and sure enough i wasn't making it up! i searched all over my bathroom for a thermometer but i couldn't find one, so i don't know my exact temperature... sorry.

i started getting light headed and having cold chills... and that was pretty much my night. i went to bed thinking that i had just been through the worst of it... and then i woke up.

for me to walk from my bed to the back door to let Deezul out (about 30 ft) i got so light headed i almost fell over TWICE. my chest is FILLED with mucus, and with EVERY cough it just comes right out. Marilyn has already informed me that if i'm not better by Monday she's forcing me to go to the doctor's... Now i've been a Marine wife for 14 months now... and i have NEVER been to a military doctor, i hear all these horror stories like "i was slicing tomatoes, when all of a sudden my LEG FELL OFF, so we rushed to the E.R. (military of course) and they made me sit in a corner on the FLOOR and wait for 13 hours, and THEN they told me that if i had been treated before 12 hours, that my leg would have been saved... but now i have this peg."

ya, makes you want to take your chances with some dayquil and God's plan. there are a few things i NEED to see our on base dr's about, but i just can't bring myself to do so.. i think i need someone to do it with me, so i am not sitting in an office for 2 days waiting for them to tell me that i'm retarded and shouldn't have come in in the first place.

but for now, i would settle for some puffs plus (with lotion) and some chicken noodle soup! (either the progresso, or the kind that costco makes and sells in the big container... or Steph could make me her homemade that she's been RAVING about... but she said it's a two day process... and i may be DEAD by the time she'd finish)

But i don't have a husband to take care of me, i can't sit and cry that i don't feel good while my head is in his lap (yes i am NOT making this up... every time I'm sick i usually start crying that i don't feel good... or when cramps come around, ya it's the same thing.) And i can't call any of "my boys" to bring me what i need, cause they are all with Rye... i kinda feel abandoned at this point. i know i still have the girls on base, but seriously, none of them have seen me at my most vulnerable... i'm a tough girl, and when it comes to crying and just needing someone to hold my head on their lap and let me cry... if i can't have Rye, i'd really like Lauren or Kat to be around. cause Deezul is useless... he's asleep and snoring right now.. oblivious to the fact that if i DIE, who will feed and spoil him... idiot puppy.

wow... reading over this post... THIS is the passion i've been missing from my blog lately.. i think a sliver of zombie Sav has emerged over the past few months, and while i'm handling this deployment like a CHAMP, i am still a little distant... probably for fear of having too much passion for anything i might break down and have to rebuild from SCRATCH. either way, i'll feel better in a few days.. in just enough time to celebrate another deployment milestone :)