I Never Am Able to Find the Words

When i meet wives on base the first question is ALWAYS the same "Do you have any kids"

We had an event at my work tonight, it was SUCH a success, and so much fun meeting so many new parents in the area. I think i must have been asked if i have any kids AT LEAST 15 times. and after smiling and responding "nope not yet" all of them said something about how i should really wait, or good for you, something along those lines. i never know what i should say, because i REALLY hate when people respond the way they do. I've always hated it. like you just met me, and yet you have an opinion on whether or not i am ready for children. So if you are one that responds in that way to people, just keep in mind that it might not be the best response. i had a girl tell me, the weekend i was actually miscarrying, that children were such a burden and it was such a good thing i didn't have any yet... not knowing that the baby i was hoping to have had died and that i was in the middle of an extremely painful miscarriage. How could she have known, i wanted to keep that as private as i could at the time. I am realizing now that i don't WANT to have to keep this to myself, i don't want or need pity... i just hated that i felt like i was completely alone, and then when people found out what had happened, SO many people came forward saying they went through a similar thing... WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS?!?! it should NOT be taboo. I found out recently that a wife (who i have known for a long time) has been telling people (alot of people) that i am unable to have children. I found out about this and was HURT. i found out because someone mentioned my name and this person (WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME) was like "oh ya, that's the girl that can't have kids."

I was more hurt and upset than i thought i would be. This is NOT who i want to be known as, ESPECIALLY since it is not true. i was venting to Riley about this, and as always i was proved how lucky i am to have him, he knows how to deal with me he quickly responded "then i guess she will look like a retard when we have a kid huh!"

I was really close with 2 girls when i was working in st george, one got married only a few weeks after we did, and the other followed by only a few months, we were all the same age within weeks of each other. we just clicked and became this trio at work. the first girl and her husband decided shortly after they got married that they wanted to expand their family. the second wanted to wait YEARS for kids.#1 had been trying for about 6 months when #2 was surprised  with morning sickness, she felt AWFUL that the other had been trying so hard and NOTHING. they were finally able to conceive after i think 18 months. It was painful to watch her go through, when she finally got pregnant the dr. told her it was not a pregnancy and was actually cancer. THANK GOODNESS he was proved wrong after a few days, and they gave birth to a healthy baby boy. But when i first called Riley to tell him what the dr said to her, he told me his stomach dropped and he felt sick to his stomach. i remember when she had her first miscarriage they had to do a D&C, our work wouldn't give her more than one day off... and she came to work depressed for a VERY long time. i never fully grasped what she was going through. i remember multiple times she would just break down and bawl while i just held her and told her it was all going to be ok. I went home night after night EXHAUSTED telling Riley how unfair it was that they wanted a child SO BAD and would be amazing parents and yet crackheads were getting knocked up by the minute. I would lay in bed and talk about how bad i felt for her, and say something along the lines of "that won't be us" in a hopeful way.

Here we are 4 years after deciding we were ready, with no luck and a few losses on our side. We kept all of this a total secret from nearly everyone, not even our parents knew we were trying. it's been 4 years of everyone including our parents telling us that we are still babies and aren't ready to have kids. Not knowing how many times i have cried over having to go to the story for "girly supplies".

I finally feel like i have been able to for the most part put our recent loss behind me. I was pretty bad for a while there. I'm not normally a depressing person, but we had a couple dark weeks. I started crying in the theater when i watched the preview for "The odd life of Timothy Green" at the beginning the dr tells them they cant have kids and i just LOST it. I'm a firm believer of treating depression with exercise. Riley made the mistake only ONCE of telling me that whatever i was trying wasn't working and i should get on some drugs... i think after the death glare he realized he had made a BIG mistake. Rye has never had to deal with me having a COMPLETE meltdown, it was a totally new thing and he was almost in a panic to try and figure out how to deal with me when i wasn't being the easiest wife in the world. I still have rough days, i'm sure i always will or at least for a good long while. But most days i am able to look on the bright side. It's still hard to realize that this next week i would find out what we would have had. Or to see the girl at church that has a due date the day after mine would have been.

I am extremely blessed, i have the most wonderful husband in the world. Not a day goes by that i don't thank God for him. He's my very best friend, i enjoy nothing more than being with him. And i have the worlds greatest dog. sure he can be a butthead, but he is SO well behaved and the biggest mama's boy i the world, he's my baby boy, and will always be my "first kid".

So for tonight i am TOTALLY fine, just sick of people having opinions as to whether my husband and I should be allowed or ready to procreate. We always intended on being young parents. Riley's rule was that he did not want to be a dad before he turned 21...... he will be AT LEAST 25.... things don't always work out the way we plan for them to.

So i am now an open book on the subject of what happened, i am not afraid to talk about it, and no one should be afraid i might break down into tears at any moment. I'm back to normal Sav, I never realized how level headed i normally am, until i felt like i was losing it. it's a scary thing to feel like you are going crazy and are not in control. Let's not do that again :)

Tatoos On This Town

Goooooood Morning faithful blog stalkers!!! i'm trying to keep myself busy until 9am when i am allowed to eat breakfast (i'm trying something). So i had that headache until this morning, i woke up a few times in the night with it... i was in so much pain i went to bed at 7pm, Rye called and woke me up at 8 just to catch up on my day, and then let me go back to sleep. i slept until 6 this morning... WOWZA, i was tired!!! So first thing i went and took Deezul outside, which was when i caught a glimpse of the sunrise this morning, Holy Moly it was amazing.... So i hurried and threw on my running clothes and went for a quick Run. it was gorgeous!

So i get home, hurry and shower and then throw on some awesomely motto sweats... yup the green boot camp ones. they are my favorites! Then Kat texts me and tells me to check out the video for "Tattoos On This Town" by Jason Aldean, now i LOVE that song so i hurry and click over to youtube....



Seriously i BAWLED! haha ok, blame it on hormones... you'll probably tear up too though.

What's With the Headache

So i have decided with this time alone this time i am going to (when i'm not working) chill out with a one tree hill marathon... ya, it was just added on netflix.

I spent a few extra hours at work today helping decorate for Halloween. About an hour before i left this headache hit me with a force like a rocket. i don't get headaches often, but 2 hours later, this is definitely proving to be the worst i've ever had... LAME!!!! i just cannot wait for the sun to set so i can go to sleep, cause this does not feel nice!!!

Tomorrow is normally my day off (one of the many) but i will be spending the day at work for an awesome event that i am excited for :)

I know this is a quick post. But at this second i don't have too much on my mind.




The End :)

Weight Loss Wednesday! - No Boring Breakfast Here

Alright so i promise not to make this blog all about weight loss, or fitness or anything like that... So i have given myself a rule, i am ONLY allowed to post anything like that related(except for races and such) on Wednesdays, so welcome to the first ever weight loss Wednesday. After i posted about that girl (you know, the one that is TINY now) i decided it WAS the perfect motivation. I started tracking what i am putting in my mouth, which for me has always been the one thing i WON'T do. I put an App on my phone so that i can track anytime anywhere, and can simply look up the foods on the app rather than have to look up online how many calories something has. According to the App i should be taking in 1240 cal per day (it went down to 1220 after i entered my new weight yesterday). tracking my food has made a WORLD of difference. I am having to watch everything! i bought these new pumpkin spice almonds (AMAZING!!!!!)

i bought this whole container on base for only $5, YA, go grab some NOW!!! anyway, they are amazing, but i am only allowed 22 nuts at a time... and that's 160 cal just for some almonds. now some would argue, almonds are good for you, YES they are. however too much of a good thing isn't always good for you. counting out my almonds, and putting them in a baggie was slightly depressing the first time, because Riley and Kyle were just snacking on them in the car, asking if i wanted any... and i couldn't.. it was a sad day.

I am also a firm believer that when you eat the same thing day after day, it's NOT going to end well... so i have been mixing it all up big time! here are my last three breakfast's

 This scramble has 2 egg whites and 1 full egg, some sliced up tomatoes, green peppers, corn stripped from the cob, red peppers, 1 slice of turkey lunch meat, cottage cheese, salsa and black pepper that plus my 1/2 of the orange i cut up totaled 260 calories, and you can see the edge of my drink, i've been drinking the strawberry crystal lite (always been my favorite)

 I have always HATED greek yogurt, it's too tart and just UGH... but i knew that to get serious about this i would have to start eating it... so i tried the yoplait honey vanilla, pretty dang good. So this is the 100cal yogurt cup, with 3 frozen strawberries sliced up (it was too many strawberries in my opinion... it was like yogurt coated strawberries rather than yogurt with berries) and then an 1/8 cup of rolled oats sprinkled on top. this totaled 191 calories, looking back on yesterday i would have added something else, cause i got hungry a little sooner after this than i was expecting. i think 250 calories is good to hover around for breakfast. Too low and you get hungry soon after

check this out... ya it looks amazing... this was my breakfast about an hour ago. it's 1 cup vanilla soymilk, 5 frozen strawberries, half a frozen banana and 1/4 cup of oats. This is 282 calories. and worth every single one! i actually made this same smoothie without the oats for dessert last night. it's such a simple recipe but it tastes like we bought it. I made one for one of the Marines and he thought it was amazing. so this recipe is a for sure winner!
you cannot tell me that a doughnut looks better than these meals.

Riley and i eat healthy 75% of the time normally, however i never measured my almonds or cottage cheese... and so i was taking in too many calories to lose any weight. Even with all the working out! With simply tracking what goes IN my body and paying close attention to my bodybugg to track how many i am burning... i have lost over 4 lbs... since Saturday. My skin is clearer, i have a glow! and i feel better. Yesterday i got home after work and was BORED cause Riley is gone, and i ended up eating a brownie someone had brought us... when i tracked it... it was 150 calories... for a tiny brownie. i won't tell you it wasn't good... cause it was. but not worth having to adjust my day around! i would rather have a chocolate pudding with whip cream for 70 calories.

My goal is to be down by 10 lbs by the time Riley returns. I am confident i will shatter that goal :) stay tuned for next Wednesday to see how i'm coming along!

Beaming with Pride (Rye's 30k)

I swear this is our story almost every weekend now... Riley ran a race. and is awesome. haha so i am SORRY if you do not share my enthusiasm or interest. Riley and Kyle had their 30k yesterday, ya that is 18.somethin miles. they have been doing the marathon readiness series to get them ready for the Honolulu marathon, and this 30k was actually the last 18.somethin miles on that course.

Here is my recount of the day! Gun time was at 5, so we had to arrive at 4(a little later if we were running late but i wanted to shoot for 4 to make sure they both had time). Since the race was in Waikiki (we live on the other side of the island) we had to leave BASE by 3:30, which meant Riley and i had to leave to pick kyle up by 3:20, thus our alarms for the day were set from 2:20-2:40. We stayed up late the night before watching storage wars on netflix(i blame Rye for that).

I told them both i would drive so they could prepare themselves. Truth is, Rye is horrible when it comes to dealing with traffic and big cities, so it was for my own benefit. Alright so we get there and find out there are 1300 runners, HOLY CRAP!!! Riley was still hurting from the trail run him and i did last week, so we had our doubts as to whether he should do this race or not. He told me prior to the race starting that he was just going to take it easy, and not "worry" about trying to place.

Gun time at 5:00AM (still pitch black outside) i hurried and put my camera on auto just to get a few shots of them coming around the first bend

they are in the middle of the picture towards the back, Harpster in his black shirt, Rye in his red.

I settled in for a LONG morning, knowing that i probably would not see the boys for at least 2 1/2 hours. haha ya that was my goal for them. i sat on a bench in the park listening to my audio book for the first hour. I kept hearing this REALLY weird noise, it sounded like freakin monkeys. So i took out my headphones and was trying to figure out what kind of animal was screaming like a monkey. it seriously took me 5 minutes to realize that i was only 150 ft from the honolulu zoo, and i was ACTUALLY listening to monkeys screaming (must have been feeding time.... or monkey fight club). After an hour of hoping that a hobo wasn't going to shank me for stealing his bench (if you've ever been to Honolulu you have experienced the homeless here) i thought i would get up and go for a walk, since i had at least another hour to kill. i crossed the street to waikiki beach and decided to take some pictures of the city with the sunrise, i got a bunch that i love alot, but i think this will be the one i will get printed onto a canvas.

Soon i figured i should head back to the finish line, the time clock was approaching 1:50:00. by 1:57 we had our winner CRAZY FAST, HOLY CRAP!!! I found my place at the finish line to make sure i could get some good pictures of the boys, and started counting finishers so i knew when to expect them... i don't know why i do this, i ALWAYS lose count and forget what i'm doing, and then i see all these finishers and i get worried that Rye didn't do as well as he hoped and then i would have to deal with that disappointment.

The clock hit 2:30:00, and i started getting a little worried. did he get injured? is he limping to the finish line, did he decide to stop at mcdonalds on the race course? WHERE was he?!!? 1 minute later he was in my sights!

haha you probably cannot see him, if i zoom this in all the way i can see the figure in the red shirt... what can i say, i KNOW my husband. i would know him anywhere.

He always looks so calm and focused when he runs... i look like a cat in heat when i run.

He headed straight for the water and snacks, while i stood my ground hunting for Kyle. Soon i saw some maniac running for the finish, MORE like sprinting.

less than 5 minutes after my goal for them, and they are both across that finish line. AMAZING!!!! i don't care how they placed (i never do) i am just so absolutely proud of them both!!! oh and ladies, Kyle is single! so if you are interested, i can put in a good word for ya (seriously)

 Kyle grabbing some water

 he's wiping off sweat, NOT smelling himself... haha i think

 stretching it out

 they may look a little irritated, but they really love that i get all these pictures.

 i don't know if you can read that... but Rye place #120 OVERALL, and 2nd in the male 20-24 division... AMAZING!!! and Kyle is #129 OVERALL and 3rd in the male 20-24 division... INSANE! i was so proud of them both, they have both worked really hard, so to be able to both place was the best thing that could have happened

 names were called, getting their awards.

 i told them to smile with their plaques... where are the plaques? and who the heck is Riley creepily staring at???

Ya..... these are definitely the boys.... giving me a "professional" pose with their awards... nerds :)

The Proper Motivation

I have been SEARCHING for that thing that would just make me re-think EVERYTHING, and would make me get completely back on track with eating and fitness. yesterday i found just that! i was on pinterest and came across this picture


As you look at this picture i am sure that like me you have many thoughts running through your head, there is NOWAY this is the same girl and IF it is, there is NOWAY that she lost all that weight in a healthy way. well get ready to be wrong on all counts. She decided after high school that she wanted to change her life, and so 1 year later she was down to 111 lbs, and in the healthiest way possible, simply eating the right foods, and the right amount of those foods. She doesn't believe that starvation is the way to get healthy, and knows that you only need so many calories in a day and that eating good foods is the best way to take in those calories. she didn't go on a crazy diet, she just changed the way she looked at food and the way she burned calories.


if this is not motivation for ANY stage of your life you may be in then there is something wrong with you. i don't care if you are pregnant, just had a baby, or just living a crazy life... if you are simply figuring out how many calories your body needs, and then putting them in your body the right way... you will be that girl everyone is envious of. the best thing about this, is even after i DO get pregnant, i won't have to change my eating habits at all... i will only need to add a few extra hundred calories per day, which is as simple as a yogurt and an apple. there is NO evidence stating that you need to "eat for 2 people" yes you are eating for 2, but the other person, is only a few pounds, and would like to start their life off with the right foods as well... so do it for yourself, for you family and not for anyone else.


Eat healthy and exercise, and the pounds will come off... i promise. if you want to check out her website click HERE!!!

Deezul's face lift

So i just got home from dropping Deezul off at the vet, he's having pretty major surgery today to give him a bit of a facelift. Shar Pei's are WRINKLY, if you have seen the pictures of the wrinkly baby and the wrinkly puppy, AWWWW i love that one :) Deezul is not a pure bred but at least 75% Shar Pei, he is PRECIOUS.

he was 7 weeks old here, a few days after i got him

3 months old here... haha he still does this, check out those back wrikles

6 months old

10 months old, sleepy puppy

As you can see, he is FULL of wrinkles. the problem with that is... his eyelids roll INTO his eyeball, and irritates his eyes. he is constantly crying (actual tears) and has lots of eye boogers. we have known that this was a possibility when we got him, and we've been getting regular checkups to make sure his vision was still up to par. and the last 2 months we've been putting money away for his surgery (seriously, it is over $1000) So he had all his pre-Op appointments, he had to get all his vaccines up to date (they were due this month anyway) and they had to check his cornea's. this surgery is timed perfect, because he is JUST now starting to scratch the cornea's, so there will be no permanent damage and he will have perfect sight.

The surgery consists of them slicing away the excess eyelid skin... OUCH. so he is getting a bit of a facelift today, so that we can actually see his pretty little eyes. i really do love him alot, he's my baby boy and i would do anything for him.

So watch out this week for pictures of a doped up post-op sleepy baby Dee.

Waimanalo Pumpkin Patch

So as you all know i am now the mommy and me preschool teacher on our base, so this last week we had a field trip to the pumpkin patch. Seriously i have been WAITING for this one, cause i have never been to a pumpkin patch. I was REALLY excited and just hoping that i wouldn't be disappointed with the type of patch the island has.

We started off with a hayride through his farm, on the course of the hayride he told us all about how just him, his wife and their three kids work the farm. they hand plant and hand pick every ear of corn and they only plant enough in each section so that when it's ready to harvest they can pick it all by hand day by day to fill the sales needs. he then told us about how they were a christian family and at this farm, they serve the lord. i ABSOLUTELY loved that! it seems like we are in a day in age when admitting that you serve the lord is no longer "cool" and by stating that to all your customers it seems like taking a huge gamble these days. now 70 years ago if you did not say that you were a christian family it would probably have horrible effects on your business.

This fluffy looking guy was on the hayride.

We then picked out our pumpkins, and checked out their mini petting zoo (complete with a donkey)

Heeeeehaaaaaaw

so as things were winding down i looked over to where i THOUGHT they were selling corn, but they were still picking the corn for the day, however they WERE selling fresh lemonade in these mason jars... ya i had to have one, so i left the farm and got some cash. TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!

So cute right!

overall this place was absolutely adorable, and picture perfect. on an island where nearly everything is disappointing compared to the mainland... this definitely delivered. and i WILL be going back with Riley.

Lazy Weekend

Well the race was this morning... i woke up and forgot that i was planning on taking a few dayquil's prior to leaving for north shore, so that didn't happen. the car ride was filled with Riley almost falling asleep, and me trying to stop coughing. So i already knew that i was NOT excited about singing. nobody wants to sing if you can already guarantee some crackage in your voice. So i decided to just accept that and attempt to ready my mind for my first ever race.

So in case you were wondering, yes i sang, and YES i messed up... coming off a two week cold though, i am still overall happy with how i did. THEN i immediately went over to the start line with Rye, they had a real life cowboy on a horse to shoot the gun to start the race. Rye leaned over, gave me a quick kiss and told me to have fun. and then he was gone :)

On the Drive over, Riley assured me that i wouldn't Die... and i would do fine, and it wouldn't be that hard because i run that far with him on base all the time. OK, this was a trail run... through a working ranch... it was NOT pavement. i proved that when i totally face-planted :) ya not surprised... i'm a clutz, anyone remember the six months i spent in a full arm cast cause i broke my arm twice?! no injuries though, got right back up and kept running... around mile one i realized i was NOT pacing myself very well and was overdoing it, that was right before i fell... so the 2nd mile i walked most of it... cause it was ALL up steep muddy hills (oh did i mention it was raining?) mile 2 hit and i was off like a bandit again... kept just thinking "just don't stop running" i met up with 2 girls and ran the last mile with them, and then the last tiny leg i sprinted, cause i didn't want them to finish ahead of me.

So, I FINISHED!!!! NOT first, not even close (wasn't expecting or hoping to be) but i hit my goal of not coming in dead last. i wasn't far from it though, but for Rye signing me up the night before, and it being a freaking insane trail, AND being sick, i am more than impressed with myself.

So now for the interesting stuff, Riley is always improving, today he ranked in the top 25 overall for the half marathon (YA, he's amazing!) he was number 23, and 9th for his age division. Gosh i was SO proud of him! ok, well the dumb movie i WAS watching is over so i'm going to go make this AMAZING stuffed red pepper thing we saw on biggest loser, i will leave you with some pictures of today.

 Do you see his red shirt?

 GO BABE! GO BABE!

 Seriously, that is insanely well!

both of us (post-race) in our shirts. Rye REALLY wanted this picture. i couldn't believe how much he LOVED that i ran, he told me on the ride home that he really liked being able to talk about the course with me and actually have me "get it" it was definitely an AMAZING experience that i am glad we were able to have together, even if we didn't run together.

oh p.s. did i tell you the way Rye roped me into running the race.... i mentioned to him on thursday that i wanted to do a race so i could have my very own race shirt.. he found this race yesterday and said if they still had shirts available i was doing it. i really do love him.

Big Day Tomorrow

So i am sitting in bed, downloading music for a special playlist for tomorrow... i don't know what i am going to listen to yet, but it better be pretty motivating.... Cause THIS GIRL is running her first race tomorrow... it's only a 5k, but i still feel all sorts of awesome. I am still getting over this HORRIBLE cold i have had... but i went for like a 3-4 mile run with Rye the other night and did totally fine, so i think i will be able to breath... i'm sitting here and totally have the butterfly's though.....

So we were registering for the races, Rye is running a half marathon tomorrow... did i mention these are trail runs, NOT road, so let's pray i don't trip over a stump or root of some sort. Anyway so we are filling out paperwork, and the girls stops us and asks if either of us sing, i never know what to say to that "why yes, i sure as heck do, i rock the CRAP out of my shower these days!" so i just kind of stood there trying to figure out what to say, Rye of course has NO problem piping up and telling her "SHE DOES!" The girl stares at us in disbelief, and says that she just had a feeling she had to ask us, and that she hadn't asked anybody registering all day, but they have been wanting to find someone to sing the national anthem before the race, and if i would be interested... now keep in mind i am still sick, i have that gravely voice that makes me sound a little bit like Tom Waits. but yet again that darling husband of mine as proud as ever states "she would LOVE to!!!!"

So on that note i will end this post and finish my playlist... cause come tomorrow morning i will be singing the national anthem in north shore, 5 minutes prior to running the race myself. oh and the kicker, the girl that asked me... she happens to be from St. George as well... small world

25K

I forgot to update my blog after Riley's latest race, OOPS! So here we have the play by play of the day :)

So this race was MUCH closer to home than the 20k, we only had to drive off base about 10 minutes to get to the starting point, as we started driving we realized there were cones ALL down our street, it didn't take long for us to put two and two together and figure out that as part of Riley's race course he would literally pass our house. Rye and Kyle joked that they would just quit at that point and go chill on our couch, just say SCREW IT. So we get to the starting point at like 4:30 (gosh thats too fricken early!) So the race starts and i try to find a place to snap a few pictures, curious as to how far back they will be since they BOTH said all they cared about was finishing, neither was felt up to par and didn't think themselves able to push it too hard.

getting ready to start the race

 I was settling in, playing with my camera, enjoying the gorgeous sunrise! all those blurs on the right, those are some of the runners.

so i was still messing with settings when i noticed a familiar silhouette in my frame, then all panic broke cause the settings weren't right and i had to put the dang thing on auto real quick so i could catch a few shots

 So as soon as i snap this picture i'm about ready to try to fix the settings before Kyle comes by, no time! before i can even turn around i hear my name called, there he was.

you can even see Rye in this picture ahead of him but just barely! gosh they are too fast, i was just a little upset, but then glad at how well they were doing!

fast forward a few hours

 in the trees you can see the red of Riley's shirt, here he comes round to the finish!

 YEEEEEAAAAA BUDDY!!!

 wait who is that guy that just passed him at the finish.... jerk.

 Kyle coming round to the finish line!

RUN KYLE RUN!!!!

 Relaxing after running

 results

 check out Kyle!!! number 4 in his age division!!! you are AMAZING!!!

 There he is, that husband of mine, placing 3rd in his age division. i am SO proud of him!

 still just chillin waiting for awards.

 Kyle LOVES that i follow him with a camera :)

i really like these boys :)

There is Rye, after getting his 3rd place plaque, oh and that guy that passed him at the finish line...... ya he placed 2nd in Riley's division, and 1st place was only 10 seconds ahead.... So Riley was RIGHT THERE!!! and Kyle was NOT far behind at all. they are amazing, i am so proud of both of them, and cannot wait for the 30k so i can be right there yet again, harassing with my camera and cheering them on!!!